Page 74 of A Convenient Secret

“I’m here, gentlemen.” He walks in like the world revolves around him. At least he isn’t in his sweaty gym clothes, or slurping a kid’s beverage.

“I got new projections for London, with anaddition of five years’ salaries and bonuses for the manager.” I hand out folders to each of them.

“That’s a mil we could have saved.” Xander throws the sheets at the table.

“Don’t be a dick, X.” Cal, who usually sides with Xander, surprises me with his defense.

“It’s not a saving if it’s a necessary expense that should have been in the original projections.” Corm backs me up as well.

For some reason, the two men stepping in to defend plan B makes me feel like a bigger failure. Like everyone has to come up with a story to fit my narrative.

Would it be so bad to move? What? Where did that thought come from? As if there weren’t enough wild circumstances in my life currently.

“Okay, it would cut into initially projected profits, but it still makes the venture interesting.” Xander raises his arms in surrender.

“Look, you guys can play nice.” Roxy grins. “I knew the sedative I added to the water would tame you in the end.”

“It leaves more testosterone for you, Roxy,” Xander deadpans.

“I can smell it… The beautiful payout from the sexual harassment suit.” She flips him the bird.

“Okay, let’s move on.” Corm takes control of the meeting.

We spend another half hour discussing the most pressing accounts, and I forget about my fake soon-to-be wife. Work has always saved me from my fucked-up personal life.

“Okay, who are you two taking to the gala on Friday?” Corm addresses me and Xander. “If we can, let’s not have paid escorts joining us…” He peters out, the hypocrite.

“So it was acceptable when it was your only option?” Xander scoffs.

“We need to grow up. Just a few months ago we almost lost a large account because my morals were questioned. Besides, it would be nice if my wife had someone to talk to. Is Celeste coming?”

“Things are a bit chaotic at the moment, but that’s the plan.” Cal closes his tablet.

“If Celeste and Saar are coming, why don’t I take Saar’s friend, the ginger one?” Xander stands up, moving to the door.

“Cora?” Corm frowns.

“A friend for your wife to talk to.” Xander shrugs.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Saar to invite her. Why don’t you bring Lily, then?” He turns to me.

“She minds my kids when I have to spend evenings with you clowns, dressing up and schmoozing likedoing business in a boardroom isn’t reasonable anymore.” I walk out of there, suddenly itching to yank my tie off.

I lean on my elbows, grateful for the large desk between us. Lily, sitting on the other side, crosses one elegant leg over the other. Again in the stupid pajama pants. I hate that pink monstrosity. It makes her feel even younger.

My home office has always been a place where I decompress, where I find distraction or ground myself after a shitty day.

There were many of those right after Kendra left for the first time. I wanted to drown myself in whiskey, but I had the babies to take care of. So I’d come here and heal… or rather seal off whatever was left of my soul.

After Kendra entered and left our lives the second time, I used to come here to wallow in my own stupidity. Eventually I buried myself in work and my hobby, and this room became my sanctuary. My man cave. My space.

It’s been a place to hide from the children, to recharge, to enjoy myself.

Tonight, it’s a place of peace and discomfortmingling and trying to get attention from my conscience.

My conscience checked out gradually between the day I saw Lily for the first time and tonight.

I’m not a good man. There is no doubt in my mind that I’m taking advantage of this young woman. Yet I can’t stop myself.