Page 156 of A Convenient Secret

“Fuck.” I smash the glass against the door.

The audience in the sitcom on the screen laughs.

“It’s not funny,” I yell at the screen, because in mydrowning loneliness I talk to the empty room, or my TV.

Why couldn’t she see I lied to be with her, not to manipulate her? I don’t fucking know why I did it. Or why I didn’t tell her sooner. After the security camera discovery, it didn’t seem like a good time.

To be honest, the coward in me was hoping it wouldn’t ever come up. I fucked up, and before I could fix it, she had to leave.

Would everything be different if she wasn’t on the other side of the ocean? Or does the geographical distance bear no weight here?

Why did she have to fucking leave?

Even half-drunk most days, I still know that this time, I won’t recover. After Kendra, I bounced into action.

This time is different. This time, the world shattered around me, and I just don’t see how to pick up its pieces.

Not while I’m filled with regret, grief, anger, and such a fucking bleeding gap in my heart that I don’t know how to breathe.

She’s gone. And today’s announcement about her stepping in to cover for her father confirms that she’s not coming back.

I lean back in my chair, closing my eyes and liftingmy legs to my desk. I haven’t slept in my bedroom since she left.

The door opens, and footsteps crush the shards of the vodka glass. I told the housekeeper not to let anyone come in here.

“Jesus.” My brother’s voice snaps my eyes open.

A mistake, because now I see he’s not alone. Caleb, Xander, and Roxy follow him in. I’m firing my housekeeper.

“What are they doing here?” I ask Corm.

“Protecting our investment.” Xander smirks.

“Fuck off.” I drop my legs. “What do you want?”

“Where are your kids?” Caleb frowns.

“The Hamptons with my mother.”

Corm hits the button and the shutters roll up, streaming daylight into my cave. I blink, the brightness upsetting my stomach.

“Why would you do that?” I complain like an idiot. Fuck, I hate this version of myself. I hate any version of myself that doesn’t involve Lily. “What the hell do you want?”

Xander throws a folder on my desk. “We need you to sign the offer.”

I frown, flipping the folder open. It’s the job offer for the London job addressed to Vivienne Drake. “I see we went with the female candidate.”

“Look, his observation skills are sharp,” Caleb drawls.

“You could have signed and extended the offer without this unsolicited visit.” I scribble the signature on the line.

“And miss this excursion to the life of the most pathetic man?” Xander snickers.

“Fuck you,” I snarl, pushing the folder back toward him.

“Declan, you haven’t shown up at work for a week,” Corm says. “You’re not answering your phone. I know you’re alive only because Mom confirmed you call your kids once a day.”

“You let your kids see you like that?” Caleb sounds scandalized.