Page 69 of A Convenient Secret

“So,” Cora starts, and it’s that kind of prolongedsothat leads to uncomfortable topics. I look at the camera. “What point are you making, Lils?”

“That I’m not scared of his large dick.” Shit. Where did that come from?

“Oh my God, I have to bleach my ears now. I don’t want to think of Declan’s dick when I see him next.”

“It’s the only thing I think about,” I murmur, and return to slicing.

“Oh, Lils.” Cora picks up her phone to move it closer to her face, like she can comfort me better that way.

“No, no, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m a cliché. Nanny who fell in lust with her employer.”

“Seduce him and quit.”

I giggle. “What do you think the meal is for?” Is it? I want to confront his abhorrent behavior, not to get naked with him. I mean, I want the latter, but I can exhibit the same control he does. I’m not forcing myself on him.

“I was joking.” Cora’s worried face fills the screen. “You would get hurt. Unless I don’t know you at all, you’re not a casual kind of girl.”

I check on Zach and Zoya, who are both fast asleep. Lingering in the doorway, I enjoy the moment of peace. It was a difficult evening, because Zoya had a meltdown and Zach refused to finish his Math worksheet from the summerschool.

At least they enjoyed my chicken fajitas. After we added ketchup. A lot of ketchup to give them taste.

I’m tired, but still vibrating with nervous energy. Because, of course, on a night I want to showcase to Declan I can be professional, and that he doesn’t have to avoid me, he doesn’t even show up.

Something must have come up, because he doesn’t miss the kids’ bedtime if he can prevent it. For all his aloof assholeness and controlling tendencies, his schedule always benefits the twins.

Zoya smiles in her sleep, and a wave of affection hits me. I don’t know how I fell in love with these two perfect little humans so quickly.

I make my way downstairs and pour myself a glass of wine. So very adult of me. I smile to myself. It’s a warm evening, so I decide to enjoy the chilled rosé on the terrace.

The city doesn’t sleep down below, and I cherish the bustling sounds with closed eyes. I’ve always loved the noise of a busy town. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. Like I’m an extension of something bigger.

It’s the reason I picked New York as my new home. For a city lover, there is no better place to live than here.

“My sinful nanny,” Declan’s voice snaps me out of my reverie, and I spill my wine over my hand.

“Jesus, you startled me. I didn’t hear you.” I move the glass to my other hand and shake off the drops.

“Sorry.” He sways a little. He is in his shirt and his dress pants only. No tie, no jacket. “Those are the least sexy pajama pants.”

Despite the words, his voice is like molten chocolate, but the cadence is off. He stares at me, and again I wonder if demanding he pays me some reasonable, professional attention is such a good idea. He takes a few unsteady steps.

“Are you drunk?”

He falls into a lounger beside me. “Don’t worry. I’ll behave.”

“That’s not very comforting,” I murmur, and put my glass on a stool beside me.

He rolls to his side. “Would you like me not to behave, little Seagull?”

The fervent desire lacing his voice has a direct line to my core.This is alcohol talking,I remind myself.

“Let me make you some coffee.” I stand up. “Have you eaten anything?”

“I don’t think so.” He stretches his arm. “Don’t leave.”

I sigh. Okay, this is not how I planned this evening. “I’ll be right back.”

I fix him a plate of leftover fajitasand a double espresso. Placing everything on a tray with a bottle of water, I carefully bring everything outside.