Page 48 of A Convenient Secret

Kissing has always been something I considered a necessary part of a physical relationship.

Never have I thought a kiss could feel like this.

Essential. Lifesaving. Vital.

At almost thirty-seven, I finally understand what being weak at the knees means. Because I may hold this woman, but I need her supporting me even more than she does.

I angle her head slightly, feral with the need for a closer connection, for better access, to take from her all she would give in this moment of insanity.

Lily receives my attack with such eagerness that within a few moments I’m practically fucking her mouth with my tongue. Her body flush against mine, I revel in the feel of her.

She moans into my mouth, and my cock twitches. I walk her backward, my mouth fused with her sweet lips the whole time. We don’t need air as the world fades away and it’s just us.

She yelps when she hits the table, giggling.

It’s the lovely, innocent sound that reminds me of where we are. Who we are. I jump away from her like she’s just burned me.

“We can’t…” I shake my head like I could erase the last few minutes from my memory. From her memory.

“Why?” she asks, her lips swollen and so inviting. And now I know their taste, so I look away.

Raking my hand through my hair, I retreat to the other side of the room. What have I done? “You, me, us… I can’t.”

“Why?” she repeats, a genuine confusion in her tone.

I turn to her, and I wish I hadn’t. She looks just-kissed—by me—and if that doesn’t make me feel like I have a claim on her. Like she could be mine… Fuck, the complication of it hits me with a dose of icy reality.

“Because you’re not erasable, Seagull.”

Chapter 10

Lily

Declan carries my luggage to the elevator while I trudge behind him. We shared silence before. An awkward one, a comfortable one, an annoyed one. This silence is new. It’s heavy and horrible. It’s worse than him ignoring me.

You’re not erasable, Seagull.

What does that even mean?

He kissed me. He was the one who leaned in and took my lips. And yes, I gave willingly, because why not? I’ve been lusting after this man for months. Andhekissedme. Why do I feel like the guilty party here?

You’re not erasable, Seagull.

I want to push for an explanation, but Declan found his old grumpy personality, and the thermostat was readjusted—everything between us cold and impersonal.

I feel discarded, disposable, and quite frankly, stupid. In my naïvete, I leaned into that kiss. Not only because that was the best kiss I’ve ever had—and how am I going to forget that—but because it felt so real.

It felt like Declan has been feeling at least a fraction of the attraction that has been haunting me. Like he really wanted to kiss me, and perhaps even had thought about it. Maybe not as much as me, but he had.

Just wishful thinking. He regretted the kiss.

“My driver is waiting for you downstairs. He will take you to your friend.”

He puts the box on top of my suitcase. Of course when he does it, the stupid box stays put, unlike last night. Jesus, was it only last night?

“Declan, I don’t understand what just happened.” Maybe I should let it go. People kiss and regret it, but how am I going to work for him if this hangs above our heads?

He bows his head, sighing like I’m testing his patience. “Lily—”