Page 48

EMME

D espite my every intention to remain impartial to Finley, I was already softening toward the bear. This new version of him was open and caring as he shared his pain and trauma, rather than using it to turn words into weapons.

Earlier when I’d reached out and grasped his hand in the garage, I’d been seconds from hugging him. It was only the worry that pushing too fast could set us back which stopped me—along with a small fear of his rejection. Though, for the first time, I didn’t expect that to be the case.

When he got out of the car at therapy, I locked the vehicle and followed him. Driving such a magnificent piece of machinery should have been a highlight today, but everything dimmed beside Finley. The way he’d talked about his pack and me … there was no car on Earth that could compare.

“We’re a few minutes early,” he said as he held the glass door open for me.

We stepped inside to find the space decorated in a very neutral palette, with just a few ferns scattered around to add to the tranquil and calming environment. “Good morning, Alpha Finley,” the shifter behind the front desk called. “Dr. Karen is almost finished up and will be with you shortly.”

She beamed at Finley, exuding the sort of warmth that was rare to experience from a stranger.

She looked older than us—if she was human, I’d estimate her to be in her late fifties.

But as a shifter, she could be closer to a hundred.

Her hair was a deep chestnut, with just a few strands of gold highlights, and her dark brown skin matched her eyes.

I’d never met anyone with such a genuine smile, and I wanted to walk closer and bask in all that maternal warmth.

Or at least what I assumed was maternal, as I’d never had a real mother to compare it to.

If I didn’t get myself together, this poor receptionist was about to become the recipient of all my mommy issues.

Finley caught and squeezed my hand, drawing me toward the padded chairs along the wall. “She has a way about her, right?” he murmured near my ear, and I barely contained the shiver that traced down my spine.

“Her smile rolled me,” I said as I breathed shallowly through my mouth to counter his scent.

If I thought the receptionist had rolled me, Finley flattened me dead.

His chuckle was low and warm. “Her name is Katya, and her family is one of the original founders of Golden Claw. She’s ancient—not even I know her age, but she’s beloved in this city. It’s actually because of Katya that I chose this therapist.”

Curiosity had me wondering if her age was the reason she exuded peace—I’d never met any older shifters before—or if it was her family line. Either way, it was curious to experience.

Finley and I sat in comfortable silence, our shoulders pressed together, as we floated in Katya’s calming presence. A few minutes later, the therapist appeared in the reception area, leading out a blond wolf shifter.

“I’ll see you next week, Caroline,” she called, waving off her previous client before she turned to us. “Finley and Emme. I’m so happy to see you both. Come, let’s get started.”

It didn’t surprise me that she knew my name, as I expected Finley had spoken of me, but she said it like we were already old friends.

I’d also noticed her leave off the alpha on Finley’s name, but he didn’t show any sign of annoyance.

This wasn’t his first session, and I would guess they’d already established their wants and needs in greetings.

When we followed the therapist down the hall, I tried not to react to Finley’s heat and energy sending tingles down my spine.

I’d spent a long time denying my attraction for him, but I had always been drawn to the bear.

It was a combination of lust, anger, need, want, and obsession. A true fucking obsession.

Even when I’d been doing everything in my power to ignore him, the obsession never went anywhere.

As hurt as I’d been with Finley, my heart and wolf had already forgiven him, especially with him showing up every damn day and putting in the work.

Filling the chasm.

“Welcome back, Finley,” Dr. Karen said as she gestured for us to take a seat in a pair of plush chairs on the other side of the coffee table, “and welcome to you, Emme. I’ve heard a lot about you so far, and I am so pleased to see you here.

I’m Dr. Karen of the Whipsnar pack, but please call me Karen. We’re not formal here.”

“Thank you, Karen,” I said, sinking into the soft cushion. “It’s lovely to meet you too.”

She took a seat on the other side of us.

I couldn’t figure out how old she was, but I got the sense she had a few decades on us.

Her light brown hair was pulled up into a loose bun at the back of her head, her olive skin was flawless, and her large blue eyes were framed behind dark-rimmed glasses.

I eyed them for a beat, wondering if I’d ever seen a shifter with glasses before, and she laughed as she adjusted their frames on her face.

“I have a slight issue with focusing on smaller text after a few hours,” she explained, somehow noticing my confusion. “It’s rare in shifters but can affect eagles. It’s related to our switch between beast and normal vision. I quite like them though.”

I found myself smiling at her easy-going manner. “They do suit you.”

“Well, thank you,” she said as she settled back in her chair.

“In regard to therapy today, I will catch you up quickly with what’s been happening during our sessions.

We’ve had quite a few sessions so far, delving into the earlier years of Finley’s life.

He wanted me to discuss with you our very first session.

” I swallowed roughly, and hoped they couldn’t hear the way my pulse raced.

I had no idea what she was about to say, and that made me nervous.

“I explained to him that the sort of deep trauma that Finley deals with isn’t ‘curable,’” she said with a nod, “in the sense we understand the word. It’s a part of who he is now, but I also explained that I’m confident he will learn how to healthily channel his pain and move forward to a brighter future.

That’s what I’m here for, to provide him with the tools he needs to deal with triggers and regressions.

” She pulled her focus from me and met Finley’s gaze.

“As we discussed, you will most likely need years of therapy, maybe even a lifetime. But it won’t always be this raw and hard for you. ”

Finley’s expression gave me hope, as he made no pretense of shying away from that truth. “I’ll be in therapy until I’m healed enough to never take my trauma out on Emme or anyone I care about again.” He shrugged. “If that takes a lifetime, then so be it.”

Dr. Karen looked pleased by his response.

“Your determination is an excellent start,” she said, “and the fact that you’re here, willing and ready to open up to Emme, is the next step.

You’re not hiding from it any longer, and I’m already convinced that we can cut our therapy back to twice a week soon. ” When he nodded she continued.

“Today, Finley wants to take you through some of what he experienced growing up. We’ve spoken in detail about forgiveness, and what it can take to genuinely demonstrate remorse and show signs of change.

Part of what he’s revealing here today will hopefully help you understand him better, and explain the reasons he reacted so negatively to your rejection of the quintet. ”

“Even though my past is no excuse,” Finley cut in, and Karen only smiled at his interruption. “I’m not excusing any of my actions, but I do hope that if you learn more about my past, it might bring us closer together.”

“I’m ready to hear whatever you have to tell me,” I said, wishing we were doing this in private, even though I sensed a professional in the room would be helpful.

Finley let out a deep breath. “Okay, great.” He paused and wiped his hands down his jeans, and no one interrupted as he got his thoughts together.

“My mother was an addict,” he finally said, and I turned to give him my undivided attention.

“At first it was alcohol with additives, but after the birth of my younger brother, she moved on to shiftex .”

I flinched, having heard of the highly addictive powder, which was the only drug to alter a shifter’s brain chemistry.

“When I was growing up, my father worked for a large factory, doing mostly forklift operations, and was gone for long hours. As fathers go, he was absent but not abusive.”

In my opinion, remaining absent when your children suffered at home was a form of abuse. He had a duty of care to his children, and to his mate also, who clearly needed help.

“Mother, though, was always abusive,” Finley continued, his voice flat.

“It started small, just like her addiction. She hated being alone, so she’d wake me at all hours of the day and night, even when I was young and napping.

She’d wake me in the harshest ways, by slapping my face or dropping a full cup of ice-cold water on me.

I still don’t sleep well, even though years have passed since I was roused from sleep like that. ”

He had been looking forward, his eyes glazed over as his mind drifted to the past, and I jumped when he turned to me suddenly. “The only night I’ve ever slept well was when we packed huddled around Kellan. I feel safe with my pack, and especially you.”

My heart was in a stranglehold as I stared into his whiskey eyes, captured once again by the swirls of pain in their depths. “I’m here if you need me,” I said, clearing my throat. “If you need me to watch over or sit next to you while you sleep, I can be that shifter for you.”

The corner of his lips curled up, and the hammering of my heart eased. “I might take you up on that offer.”

He returned to staring ahead. “One of the worst memories of my childhood was the feeling of being abandoned over and over again by the very shifters who were supposed to love, protect, and shelter me. From missing birthdays and school trips, to starvation when I was locked in my room for a week. There wasn’t a day I didn’t suffer under my mother, until eventually I gave up caring. ”

Finley spent the next thirty minutes detailing so much of his fucked-up past that I felt queasy by the time he was done.

“The night my mom flipped out and killed Dad and Tommy, my brother,” he rasped, his voice strained, “I ended up killing her before she could finish me off too. After that, I started to actively search for my pack. Well, once Kenzo dragged me out of my bear form. I was determined to find a family, and honestly, they’re everything I could have hoped for.

“Hunter took in a broken teenager and supported my dreams of playing hockey. I’d never played much in a league, but I could skate better than I walked, and with Hunter’s connections, I was soon trained up.

Kellan joined me not long after, and for the first time in my life, I was content in my world. ”

My throat was dry as I considered that I was the first negative to come into his world since his mother, and I blew it all to pieces. No wonder he’d said that I reminded him of her.

“How did you find your pack?” I asked, desperately trying not to fall apart.

“There’s a scent match registry,” Finley explained, and while I vaguely knew about that, I wasn’t aware it could be used by the general shifter population to find their packs.

“After your first shift, your scent is loaded to the registry, and if you want them to, they will provide information on the candidates who could be a match. Or those who would make a strong quintet. Meetings are set up, and everything goes from there. I met with two packs before Hunter, and as soon as that asshole’s arrogant face appeared, I knew he was my brother. My bear knows his pack.”

Karen nodded. “Yes, our beasts are often in tune when we are in denial.” She leaned forward in her chair. “Now, our time is almost up, but before we wrap for today, don’t forget you wanted to explain what happened when she arrived in Golden Claw.”

I thought I had a fairly strong understanding of why my arrival triggered Finley, so I was curious about what else he wanted to tell me.

“My entire existence after my family died was wrapped up in finding the place I belonged,” Finley reiterated.

“In my pack I found the acceptance and support I’d been denied for most of my life.

I’d really had no one before that —even my brother and I were kept apart by my mother’s jealous and narcissistic rages.

After their deaths, my pack was my family, and I was excited by the prospect of a final piece to our quintet.

Only you… rejected us. It was like being thrown back to when my mother destroyed me.

When I was alone and without an anchor in my fucked-up life.

I was that damn broken cub, at the mercy of another who didn’t want?—”

He choked up, and I shifted toward him, grasping his hand.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice rough from my unexpressed pain.

“I’m so damn sorry. I was scared and uneducated when I was dragged here, and I wish I could take back those early actions that hurt you.

” As painful as it was, I didn’t look away from him for a second.

“It was never my intention to hurt any of you, I just wanted to survive. I’d been running on survival instincts for so long, I almost forgot that there were real alphas with real feelings on the other side of the pack I feared—who had done nothing wrong and shouldn’t be punished for the actions of others. ”

Finley’s eyes darkened, and I squeaked when he reached out with his free hand and gripped the base of my chair, dragging me around until we were face to face. I wanted to glance at Karen to gauge her reaction, but I couldn’t tear my gaze from him .

“You did nothing wrong,” he rumbled, sounding pissed but not at me for once.

“Your reactions make perfect sense, and I should have focused more on figuring out why you were scared and running, rather than hating you for scars you didn’t cause.

Even a fucking idiot could see you were terrified, and not just a normal sort of terror, but a deep-seated fear that comes from true suffering.

” He moved closer until I could count every one of his thick, dark lashes.

“I won’t make that mistake again. I promise.

I will be here with and for you, through every dark step.

You won’t ever be alone again, Emme. That much I promise—” I lost control and cut him off.

With my lips.

Against his.

Holy fuck .