Page 47

FINLEY

I n my nervousness over therapy today, I started to focus on the fact that Emme hadn’t worn anything of mine yet. Not that I’d expected her to, but I’d added my clothes to her wardrobe in case she wanted the comfort of my scent in the same way I craved the comfort of hers.

It was growing harder not to sneak into her room and roll around on her bed like I was channeling Kellan fucking Jackson.

Instead, I snuck in to leave a few tokens of affection, using gloves while I made origami and handled the magazines.

In the hopes she’d enjoy the gifts without feeling any obligation attached to them.

With our upbringing, gifts were often a double-edged sword causing us to overthink how to accept and thank someone for them. Especially with Emme and my tenuous relationship.

I’d loved origami since I was young, when Jiro, Kenzo’s grandfather, had taken a lost, angry shifter and taught him productive ways to channel his emotions.

When he passed a few years ago, we were both devasted, but his life lessons would remain for much longer than the shifter himself.

Any healing I’d found since my family’s death had come via that calm, strong male.

Kenzo retained a lot of his grandfather’s traits, and I was honored to be treated like his family.

Jiro would have been disappointed in the way I acted when Emme came into my life, as I regressed into that same angry teenager. At least it did teach me that I still had a lot of healing to do, and trauma I needed to deal with.

Between origami, hockey, and therapy, I felt stronger and calmer. The only part of my life not in place was my relationship with Emme, but it also wasn’t as bad as it could be either.

She was far too kind and forgiving, and as much as it worried me that fuckers would take advantage of her, I was also grateful she was open to me mending the bridges I’d burned between us. Having a chance was more than I deserved.

That day in Texas when she’d acted like I didn’t exist remained front and center in my nightmares—hence why sleep had been even more elusive than usual lately.

I could never let that happen again, or I might as well cut my own throat and call it a day.

Emme was essential to my existence. Without her, there was no me.

It was only short of terrifying to know I’d be spilling dark secrets in front of her today, and I hoped Dr. Karen of the Whipsnar pack could keep it all on track.

I’d only had a dozen sessions with her so far, but I found the eagle shifter easy to talk to.

She had a calming and non-judgmental manner, and even when she asked hard questions and pushed me through my demons, it didn’t send me spiraling.

I had no idea how she managed it, but if it helped me grow through my trauma, then I’d continue these near daily sessions for as long as it took.

“Hey,” Emme said, breaking through my thoughts as she hurried down the stairs, jumping into the entrance hall. “I hope I’m not late! Slade was helping me learn more about my dyslexia and we figured out fonts that improve my reading.”

Her face was flushed, her eyes lit up with a deep excitement. She looked so beautiful that it was hard to stare directly at her. Especially when all I wanted was to drag her against me and drown in her curves.

She pushed the wild strands of her pinkish blond hair off her face, and the piercing ice in her eyes held me captive.

The first time I’d stared into her unusual eye color, I’d been hit with a sense of home that sent me into a downward spiral.

Since that day, nothing had changed, except my stupid ass was no longer running from it.

“You’re right on time,” I assured her, already calmer with her presence.

My bear rumbled at me to step closer, but I knew I’d struggle to keep my hands off her, which was the last thing she needed.

She tightened Slade’s coat around her, her slender form swamped by the massive jacket. If she ever wore anything of mine, I’d use that a sign she had truly forgiven me. Until then, I’d be happy with the relationship we were slowly developing.

“Do you want to drive?” I asked her.

Her happiness shot up a few extra notches, and I felt that smile all the way to my soul.

“I’d love to,” she said, moving closer, and my chest rumbled as her scent wrapped around me. “But let’s choose one of the other reinforced cars today. The G-Class has had a good run lately.”

I nodded, and she fell into step beside me as we headed for the garage. “What will you choose?” I asked. “The Rangey, Rolls, or Hummer?”

She took a long time to consider them all, her expression torn as she worried at her plush bottom lip with her teeth.

I was so mesmerized by the movement that by the time she answered, I’d almost forgotten the question.

“The Rolls. I’ve never driven one, obviously, and I feel like you deserve a little luxury before you delve into painful memories. ”

“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed as we entered the garage, stepping into my happy place.

Or at least it had been before Emme.

Now, I wasn’t so sure I could have a happy place she wasn’t in.

As we headed for the Rolls, I was stopped by Emme reaching out and grasping my hand .

My bear roared and it felt like the world stilled around us. We didn’t touch much in general, but today she pushed her pain and anger at me aside to offer comfort.

“Before we get to therapy, I just wanted to say that it’s going to be okay,” she said, her expression soft around the edges.

My sweet fucking mate. Goddess, I would be protecting her until my last breath.

“You’re brave for taking this step and fighting your demons.

I admire and respect that about you, and I want you to know that even though we haven’t experienced the exact same upbringing, I do understand some of what you went through.

The abuse, fear, and loneliness. I will never judge or repeat anything I hear in that room.

” Her lips twitched. “No matter how much you piss me off.”

I couldn’t breathe. The room started to spin around me, and if there hadn’t been an omega grounding me to this Earth, I expected I’d just shatter into a million pieces and drift off into the universe.

“Em,” I grit out, voice guttural as I fought for composure.

I hadn’t cried in fucking years, and yet here I was, breaking apart like a damn cub.

Emme gave me a reprieve by simply squeezing my hand and stepping away. “I know, Grouchy. I know.” My bear howled inside me, and I was so close to shifting that I felt the magic tingling across my skin.

I had no idea how I pulled myself together enough to stumble to the car, but it was lucky that Emme had chosen to drive. I was absolutely in no state of mind to deal with traffic. I barely managed to program the address into the GPS, while Emme patiently watched me fumble.

Once we were out of the family compound and heading downtown, she started up a normal conversation. Which I greatly appreciated. “How’s hockey going?”

“Really good actually,” I said, settling back into the chair. “We had a new transfer added to the offensive line, and he’s working out well so far. Kellan has a mini-crush on the new bear, which should bother me, but I’m confident in my number one position.”

A burst of laughter spilled from her as she stopped at a red light, a dozen or so shifters crossing the street in front of our car. “You two have a bromance that can never be broken,” she said. “I wouldn’t worry about losing him to another bear.”

“We’re pack and brothers,” I said with a nod, having no doubts about our bond. “It’s unbreakable.”

Her responding smile was soft, and I found myself just staring at her while she looked out the front windshield.

“I’m sorry I haven’t made the last couple of games,” she said suddenly, turning to meet my gaze.

There was a tugging of guilt across her expressive features, and I fought the urge to trace a finger down her cheek.

Now that I was learning how to deal with the anger in my soul and direct it where it belonged, it was hard to remember when I’d resented her presence in my life.

“You have a lot going on, Em,” I said, forcing my palms flat on my thighs to keep my hands occupied. “And your safety is the number one priority. Hockey isn’t important when compared to everything else we’re dealing with.”

“Not true,” she shot back immediately, and the lights changed green, but she didn’t even notice. “It’s important to you, and for that reason it’s important to me.”

Her statement was a gentle caress to my soul, but it also reminded me of bullshit I’d said in the past. Another sin to atone for.

“I know you’ve listened to me bang on about how hockey is my life, and that I need it more than anything else in the world.

To some degree, it did save me both in the past and now?— ”

The blast of a horn interrupted, and I barely restrained myself from ripping the door off this million-dollar car and beating the shit out of the impatient fuck behind us. Emme laughed as her hand shot out to press against my chest, and just like that I was calm.

She had magic in her soul this omega.

“Don’t kill them, Grouchy,” she said in amusement. “I was sitting at a green light. They’re fine.” Our car moved forward once more, and she added, “You were saying hockey saved you…”

“Yep, it did, and still does.” I cleared my throat.

“But I’ve also learned a lot about myself over the last few months.

I learned that if Kellan had died when the witch magic hit him, hockey wouldn’t have saved me.

I learned that when the light in your eyes faded as I hurt you one too many times and you told me we were done, hockey wouldn’t have saved me.

I learned that hockey is now second to my pack. Every single shifter in my pack.”

Her lip wobbled, but she kept it together as she shot me a look that seared into my soul.

What I’d said was only partly the truth.

Even within our pack, Emme was my number one, and nothing in the world could compare to her.

I’d quit hockey in a heartbeat for this omega, which should have terrified me, but it didn’t.

I’d come to accept one undeniable truth: Emme was the heart of our bond, and I couldn’t survive without her.

Before I could figure out how to express that without freaking her out—we were still early days into our healing journey—she turned into the parking lot of the therapy offices.

We were a few blocks from Reeves Industries, right in the middle of the business district.

The streets were teeming with shifters going about their day with work, shopping, or catching up with friends and family, and it wasn’t the sort of place for heavier conversation.

“Are you sure you’re really okay with me being here?

” Emme asked once the car was off. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

We have plenty of time to share our pasts, and if you’re not ready, I’m happy to sit out here and wait.

Therapy is usually done in private for a reason. ”

“Have you been to therapy before?” I asked, wondering if she spoke from personal experience.

She shook her head. “Nah. I wished many times for someone to talk to, but it would have been a waste using a human therapist. What do they know about our world and struggles? But I also couldn’t use a shifter one, not while avoiding the cities.”

At one point in time, I’d considered her weak and untrustworthy as she ran from the cities and her mates. But now that I could look at her situation without the cloak of my own trauma clouding my judgement, I recognized the strength it must have taken to keep herself safe.

To live amongst humans.

To suppress her wolf and her true self.

“I’m sorry you went through that,” I said, hoping she’d hear the sincerity in my tone. “I think you’re pretty fucking brave and amazing to have fought for your freedom the way you did. I wish I had half your strength.”

Physically, I was a thousand times stronger than her, but mentally she had me beat. Hopefully one day I’d be the bear she needed and deserved—more than a broken shell of a shifter. And until I dealt with my trauma, I would fight not to taint her with my darkness.

Not ever again.