Page 20

FINLEY

W e’d been back in Golden Claw for a week.

A week of confusion, council meetings, and plans for what we needed to do next.

A week of Slade losing his shit and crushing everyone under the might of his dominance.

But it didn’t make a difference. The traitors were missing or dead, Fletcher and his band of fuckheads had gone to ground, and the only one he could take his fury out on now was Talon.

Who was resolutely not giving up his cone of silence.

All of us were fraying at the edges, and unless something drastically changed soon, the Reeves pack were on a downward spiral to destruction.

Ironic, considering I was probably in the best mental space of the last few months.

I’d suffered a huge wakeup call out in that desert with Emme and had decided to stop denying my true feelings for her. I was just as fucking obsessed with that omega as the rest of my pack, and I was determined to finally deal with my trauma and past.

So it didn’t destroy my future.

Over the last week, I’d made it to three training sessions with Coach Connor, the defensive line assistant coach, and two with Coach Gerrado, who’d been quiet since we returned. There wasn’t much he could say when our mate had been kidnapped, again , but I got the sense he wasn’t happy.

“Take as much time as your pack needs to deal with this,” he’d told Kellan and me when we returned, but I knew I wasn’t the only one wondering how much longer we’d be able to make hockey work with our pack dramas.

The thought of losing hockey should have sent me into a spiral, but with my new mental clarity, I was mostly indifferent about it.

My priorities had changed, and it was clear that someday soon, there’d be a point that hockey didn’t fit in my life.

For the first time, that didn’t feel like the end of the world.

After finishing my gym session for the morning, I found Kellan perched in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at Emme.

“She hasn’t stopped baking,” he grumbled as we watched her pull a tray of cookies from the oven.

“I mean, the cookies, tarts, and mini-cakes are the second-most delicious thing I’ve had in my mouth, right after our omega, but my heart breaks watching her hurting like this.

Why doesn’t she cry? It’s like she’s channeling all of her demons into baking. ”

Kellan didn’t understand; he’d grown up in a stable, loving environment. In his house, you talked through your problems, and everyone jumped in to figure out a solution. That wasn’t how it worked for Emme and me. Even Slade and Hunter had each other, but we’d had no one. Not really.

My brother was too young when he was murdered, and Kenzo had been dealing with his family, leaving me to handle everything on my own. Or with my beast. Hence why my bear took control at times, in his own bid to protect me.

“Compartmentalizing and staying busy is a way to cope and deal,” I told him, keeping my voice low so the omega locked in my gaze wouldn’t hear. Not that she appeared to be mentally present, her eyes vacant as she moved about in a well-rehearsed routine.

“She’s not dealing,” Kellan muttered. “My Shortcake is absolutely not fucking dealing.”

I couldn’t deny his statement. Our mate was pale, the dark circles under her eyes standing out prominently. Even with Hunter and Kellan on either side of her at night, she cried out with nightmares that we all heard, and brought our own dark thoughts to the surface.

“I can count every damn freckle from here,” Kellan added, releasing a ragged sigh. “I love her freckles, but they shouldn’t be visible from outer space. She’s too pale.”

“I love her freckles too,” I murmured, proud that I could finally admit the truth. “Though, I agree. Seeing them stand out so starkly isn’t my favorite, but if she’s anything like me, she needs to work through this in her own way. It won’t last forever.”

Kellan side-eyed me, his expression drawn in pissed-off lines. “Yours has lasted forever, asshole. You’re still over here angry at the world.”

I opened my mouth to argue because fuck this smug fuck— I’d done the best I could under the circumstances. Before I let that thought escape, I breathed in and out a few times and owned my trauma. I had to start owning it. “You’re right.”

He almost jerked his head off his shoulders as he blinked at me.

Containing my smile, I continued: “But I’m determined to grow and heal from my past. For Emme, I would walk through every one of my demons and change a whole fucking lot more than my attitude.”

That statement was the first to keep his desperate gaze from our mate. He stared at me for many long seconds, and I didn’t try and hide my determination. I could and would do this.

“Thank the fucking goddess,” he breathed, his face crumpling for the briefest of seconds before he got himself under control. “What are you planning on doing?”

I rubbed a hand over my face, my beard in desperate need of a trim.

It wasn’t a priority at the moment, and I wondered if Emme cared about my shaggy caveshifter vibe.

“When Emme was taken, the panic I felt made it very clear that no matter how hard I pushed her away, I was already connected to her. She was already one of the singularly most important shifters in existence to me, and I’d been hurting her all this time because I hurt .

I pushed her away because I was afraid of losing her .

It was fucked up, and has taken me far too long to piece together. ”

Kellan’s scoff as he furrowed his brows was completely unnecessary. “We all knew it was fear driving your anger, and that you’d flip your shit if she ever did actually leave.”

“Yeah, well, as my dad liked to lovingly say, You’re one dumb motherfucker, Finley Thornton. Turned out that was one of the few accurate statements he ever made.”

Kellan was quick to anger again, this time in my defense. “Absolutely the hell not. He was an asshole, and despite your momentary lapses in sanity, you’re far from dumb. Your dickhead of a father is one of the reasons you’re afraid to be hurt again. He was the dumb motherfucker.”

The inner waves of gratitude for my pack, who had my back no matter what I threw their way, were stronger than ever.

“Thanks, bro. But yeah, when Emme was taken, and I found her with that bite on her neck, I mentally lost it and lashed out… blaming her again. Knee-jerk reaction, and I regret it so badly.” Kellan’s fists clenched at my revelation, and if he took a swing at me I’d have welcomed it at this point.

“If it makes you feel any better, she kneed me so hard in the balls I could taste them in my throat.”

The fury on his face faded to a wince. “Harsh but kind of deserved.”

I nodded with a sad laugh. “Totally deserved, and then she told me she was done. My bear and I both knew she meant it… Like, really meant it. I tried to talk to her after that, and she pretended I didn’t exist. It fucking broke me, man.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt that gutted, and I was literally almost gutted by my psycho of a mother.

” My breaths came out too fast and my words were too loud.

This wasn’t a conversation Emme needed to hear, so I attempted to pull myself together.

Kellan’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing in what felt like understanding and support. “What are you going to do now, then? To fix it?”

That part I’d already decided on. “I’m going to get help.

I’ve already arranged to see Dr. Whittier, that therapist in the city.

My first, introductory appointment was a few days ago.

She’s apparently the leading expert in dealing with past trauma and repressed anger. Figured it was a good place to start.”

Kellan’s hold tightened, then he yanked me into his arms, hugging me so tightly that in normal circumstances I’d be tempted to punch him in the face. But today… today I needed this hug, no matter how uncomfortable it made me.

“You didn’t punch me,” he murmured with a chuckle. “Guess you really are changing.”

“Don’t push it,” I growled back, slamming my hand against his shoulder, thankful when he finally released me. While I wasn’t Slade’s level of touch-averse, intense physical contact still bothered me.

We fell silent and resumed watching Emme, who was now measuring flour and sugar.

When she started to grate lemons, Kellan actually moaned.

“Did you try her lemon tarts three days ago? Please tell me you tried them. They were actually one of the best things I’ve ever eaten, though as I mentioned already, second only to Emme’s puss?—”

This time I punched him, and it was all jealousy. He’d already mentioned how good our mate tasted, and I was a desperate shifter who was far from ever deserving to touch, let alone taste her.

“You ate all the lemon tarts,” I reminded him dryly as he rubbed his arm. “Remember… you threatened to cut our dicks off in our sleep if any of us touched the tarts …”

Kellan rumbled out a deep laugh. “I think I remember that. I might have blacked out after eating the first one. But honestly, I will fight anyone who touches them this time as well.”

This crazy bastard needed help.

Footsteps cracked against the floor as Slade appeared in the entry hall, dressed head to toe in black enforcer gear, his expression somber as blood streaked his cheeks and arms.

He’d been interrogating his evil twin again.

“He spill anything?” I asked when he halted in the doorway between Kellan and me, not touching either of us. This doorway had been built big enough to handle a damn truck backing into the kitchen.

The rasp that slipped from between Slade’s pressed lips was so menacing my bear even poked his head up. “He’s been well trained. I can’t hurt him too much, in case it slides through the bond to Emme, but even so, nothing I’ve tried has gotten him to talk.”