Page 44 of A Bond so Fierce and Fragile (Compelling Fates Saga #3)

She’d heard it could happen—had seen up close how near her father had been to losing his mind, how he’d clung to that last bit of sanity only because of Frelina, had seen in Merrick’s memories how her sister had turned to rage and guilt to keep herself from being pulled under.

Raine, on the other hand… He’d learned to cope only with alcohol.

If that was gone?

The wailing continued, and her heart, which had already been racing, slammed against her ribs now.

She needed to do something.

Raine rocked into her with every movement forward, and she could feel him slipping.

His mind was wide open when she reached out for it, but she quickly had her own snap back.

It was dark. Empty. Terrifying.

It felt as if her own might fall right down with it, especially now, especially after her devastating interaction with the gods.

You’re going to die alone.

It was Raine’s voice now, although she knew it wasn’t truly his.

It was her mind responding to his anguish, like it always did when other people’s memories invaded it.

Raine shook so much under her hands as she held on to his shoulders that she began trembling as well.

You’re going to die alone.

You’re going to die alone.

Raine’s voice continued booming within her despite her attempt to block him, and she realized he was losing control over his magic.

She also realized he had been holding back with her before.

He’d allowed her to push into his mind because this force… whatever was attacking her now… it was all-consuming—so much more powerful than she’d ever experienced.

Frelina gasped when she understood that it wasn’t her mind tricking her.

It was Raine’s voice, but… he wasn’t talking to her.

“No,” she mumbled. “None of us is dying alone.”

Raine didn’t respond, his eyes open again but completely unseeing—the beautiful green and gold paling with every moment she tried to look into them.

It fucking terrified her.

“Raine!” she cried. “Raine! You’re not dying now! Do you hear me! You can’t leave me! You’re not alone! You’re not alone!”

It was as if she didn’t even exist.

She slapped him.

He didn’t react.

She slapped him again—harder this time.

He didn’t react.

“Raine! You bastard! Wake the fuck up!”

He didn’t react.

Frelina’s mind spun. What should she do? Her father had never been this bad. Elessia hadn’t been this bad, had she?

Merrick had always been there to distract her, keeping her away from the harsh descent into madness that threatened the Fae if they hurt too much, if they lost too many, if the pain managed to consume them.

A whisper of a memory of Merrick carrying Elessia into the ship’s cabin floated through her mind.

He always distracted her…

Her thoughts flew to the game she and Raine had been playing.

But it was a game , and she’d seen how he jerked back whenever she came too close. He didn’t want her, not in the way Elessia wanted Merrick.

You’re going to die alone.

Her eyes flicked to the ceiling, meeting those fucking sad ones of her stupid reflection.

You fear that you’ll never get that first kiss.

Her eyes dropped to Raine’s full lips, the shadow of red stubble around them.

He would kill her. And then probably kill himself.

Frelina moved her arms to wrap around his neck.

No kiss, but she’d try to distract him like she’d done before. Maybe that would be enough.

“Raine,” she called softly, trying to morph her voice into the low, seductive one she used when they played with each other. “Raine.”

His eyes still seemed to focus and unfocus.

“Raine,” she said again as she wrangled herself into his lap.

His arms automatically went around her back to steady her when she lost her balance, and a glimmer of hope awoke in her chest, warming it as she pressed it against Raine’s broad one, tightening her grip around his neck and placing her legs on either side of him.

“You’re not alone,” she whispered when his eyes brushed hers before staring into nothing again.

“I am here. Look at me.” Frelina shifted her hands to cup his cheeks.

He did, his hazel eyes wandering over her face before landing on her own.

“I can’t.” Raine’s broken whisper, the pinch of his face that followed, nearly broke her resolve.

“You can.” Frelina smiled, ignoring how tight her cheeks were from all the salt from her tears. “You’re not alone.”

Raine just stared at her.

Drawing a steadying breath, Frelina wiggled her brows.

“We’re here together.” She slowly trailed her eyes over his face as she moved closer, trying to keep a sly smile on her face. “You and me.”

Raine didn’t back away as she stilled an inch from him, but some of the color on his cheeks returned, his eyes deepening.

“You know they told me I would die alone.” Frelina licked her lips, and she didn’t miss Raine’s eyes following. “Do you know what I think?”

He shook his head.

“I don’t think so, since the most feared Fae warrior in the world keeps flirting with me.”

Something sounded in Raine’s chest.

It wasn’t a laugh or even a chuckle, but she’d take it, especially as more color returned to his eyes. Frelina began to pull away, pushing her feet into the ground when Raine’s face contorted again, and the sound she’d heard before began echoing between her ears.

“I… I can’t,” Raine whispered. “Not without…”

Settling into his lap again, she brushed her thumbs over his cheeks. “What can I do?”

Raine’s eyes were dry as they held hers, but it didn’t matter. They were still the saddest ones she’d ever seen.

“What can I do, Raine?” she whispered back as he let out a sorrow-filled rush of air. “How can I help you?”

“I don’t… I need…”

He looked so young. A lost boy with sad eyes and wild hair who held on to her as if she were the only toy he had left in the world.

Her heart ached for him.

For the male who’d loved so much only to have it ripped away from him. For the loneliness she could sense in him—the one she shared.

Pursing her lips, she made a decision.

“Use me,” Frelina said quietly.

Raine’s arms tightened around her. “What?”

“Use me.” She said it louder. “Use me as a distraction.”

Raine’s brows snapped together, and he began shaking his head.

“I won’t live long. The gods basically confirmed it. Neither will you, the way this war is going. You don’t love me. I… I don’t love you. She’ll forgive you.”

Frelina’s cheeks heated when Raine shook his head again.

“Why not? You’ve been with others, haven’t you?”

His silence was enough.

“So why not me? Use me, Raine. Use me until we’ve either won this war or moved on to the afterlife—whatever comes first. I need it too. I don’t… I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

It was true. She didn’t want to be alone in a cold bed, fear trickling through her veins until she finally fell into fitful sleep. If she was to die soon, and there wasn’t someone special out there waiting for her anyway, what did it matter?

Raine still didn’t say anything, and embarrassment washed over her.

What had she been thinking? Was she that desperate to make sure he didn’t lose it?

Or… that desperate for company herself?

She laughed weakly as she began rising, releasing his face, but Raine’s grip tightened, and he dragged her down again, boring his eyes into hers.

“Little Rantzier,” he whispered, his voice gravelly. “You sure?”

Something warm—and not from the shame still tinting her cheeks—ignited in her core.

She nodded.

Raine watched her for a moment, and the air crackled in the room. “You’re really sure? You want this? You want… me?”

She nodded again, allowing him to see her mind—to know that she meant every word. See that she didn’t want to be alone. See the things she wanted to feel—to know—before she died.

Raine blinked.

Then one of his hands moved to her chin and slid down her throat until he’d tilted her head back.

“I won’t be gentle,” Raine warned. “That’s not who I am. That’s not what I can offer you. This isn’t love, little Rantzier. This is?—”

“Good,” Frelina interrupted, that heat within her spreading. “That’s what I was counting on.”

His lips were on hers in the next moment.

He hadn’t lied.

It wasn’t gentle. It was desperate. It was salty.

It was need, it was fear, it was shared loneliness.

It was teeth clashing, lips crashing together so harshly that iron filled her mouth.

It was a tightening hand around her neck, restricting her air, as he shifted her head even farther back, devouring her mouth.

It was a hard nip that had her gasp, and a tongue finding its way into her mouth to play.

Frelina loved every moment of it.

She was alive.

She felt… wild. Free.

She had no idea if her response was good, but she savored each groan that shook his body as he roughly shifted her so she was pressed fully against him, and when he left her mouth to nip at her chin, then moved down to suck and bite at her throat…

A sound she’d never made before echoed around the room, filling the air with want and need and desire.

“Good to know,” Raine rasped as he continued down, biting into her collarbone as she began rocking back and forth in his lap. “Good. To. Know.”

She moaned again as he returned to her mouth, but as she began pulling at his tunic, Raine stopped her, his eyes finally fully focused again.

Panting, she stared at him, glad when she realized his chest was moving up and down as wildly as her own.

“Not yet.” Raine kissed her again, so hard she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and sank her teeth into it.

It only made him laugh, and another piece of hope settled within Frelina’s chest.

“I think we’ll have some fun distracting each other.” His words dripped with promise, and despite everything that had happened, liquid heat pooled in her entire body as Raine got them both to their feet. “But we need to get out of this damned place.”