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Finn:He’s swamped. He said something about Axel running an errand.

An errand? In this weather?

Me:Is Axel answering your texts?

Diesel:No. But he might answer yours. Text him Jamie. Confess. Tell him what we’re doing. It might work.

Me:There’s no point. It’s too late.

Finn:It’s not. Just try. We’re on our way to the cn tower now.

Me:What’s your ETA?

Diesel:About twenty minutes, give or take a stalled car. TEXT HIM!

I breathe out a loud sigh and Olivia pushes her way into my seat. “What’s wrong?” she asks, placing her hand on my jittery knee.

“Axel wasn’t at work when Finn and Diesel showed up. They don’t know where he is. He won’t answer their texts.”

“Then you text him,” Ben says, his body turned to our seat.

“He’s not answering his best friends. He definitely won’t answer the girl who broke his heart.”

“Yes, he will,” Ben affirms. “Text him. Or I will, and I’m not bluffing. You deserve to be happy. Stop getting in your own way.”

Ben’s words echo in my ear.Stop getting in your own way.It’s something I’ve said to my mother. Repeatedly. I love my mom but she’s lost years and experiences to holding grudges and closing herself off to relationships, old and new. I don’t want to make that same mistake. I don’t want to live with regrets. Axel has to be there, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he is.

Me:Olivia figured it out! She chartered two buses and we’re all headed to the formal. I know you’re not really talking to me right now, but it’s important you come. For one, Finn and Diesel need you there for the performance. The whole senior class is expecting you, and the thing is, I want you there. I need you to be there. Please Axel. Don’t pull a Jamie and let your stubbornness get in the way of a really good time. Just come to the formal. You won’t regret it. I promise!

“Okay,” I say after hitting Send. “I texted Axel. Now we wait and see.”

“He’ll be there.” Ben smiles.

“He’ll be there,” Olivia repeats.

“He’ll be there,” I parrot, hoping if we say it three times, it’ll come true.

People on the bus start to cheer as the CN Tower comes into view. It’s happening. It’s actually happening. In a few minutes, I’m going to check off the final item on my bucket list by riding the elevator up the CN Tower. And I’m going to celebrate by making a fool of myself in front of the entire senior class.

Once again, I’m left wondering,How did I get here?

The bus pulls up to Front Street and parks. The simmering pot boils over and everyone rises, talking over one another in excitement. I remain seated, allowing the others to get off the bus first.

“Nope,” Ben says, sliding in next to me. We’re the only two students left on the bus. “You’re not doing this loner-Jamie act. Let’s go.”

I shake my head while staring into Ben’s sympathetic eyes. “I’m scared.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yes, good. Be scared. Be uncomfortable. It means you’re challenging yourself. You can’t put fear on a checklist, Jamie. You can’t write it down and cross it off. You have to live through it. You have to experience it. You have to take that risk.”

“And if I fail?” I ask.

“At least you tried. You won’t look back twenty years from now with regrets.”

I swallow and nod, looking at the boy I loved for three years. I still love him, but in a different way. “I know things were kind of messy between us for a while, but you were a really good first boyfriend and I have no regrets about that.”