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I’ve thought about it, but the idea of finding out stresses me out. It’ll make it that much more real. It means we can start buying things, decorating the nursery, which means we’ll have to decide where the nursery will be. Which means having a conversation about where we’re going to live. But now, I know where we’re both going to live, and it won’t be together, which means…
“Paige,” Nate says, quirking a brow. “If you don’t want to find out the sex…”
“We can find out,” I whisper, trying and failing to keep my emotions in check.
Maybe I should just move to Dallas to be with him. It would solve all our problems. He has a beautiful home and a good job. He loves me and this baby. And I love him.
But then what happens when he doesn’t want me anymore?
What happens when I’m no longer worth sticking around for?
When he wants a new woman to warm his bed? A new family to play house with?
Where will I be left then?
Before I can stop myself, tears well in my eyes, and Nate notices immediately.
“Hey,” he says, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I tell him, hating that I couldn’t keep my emotions in check. “I just…” I can’t get the words out, so instead, I bury my face in his neck and hold him tight.
I know he’s confused, but he simply holds me, letting me silently cry in his arms.
Cry for the relationship that was doomed from the start.
For the baby who’s going to be pulled in two directions.
For our hearts that I have no choice but to break.
Because I’m terrified that he’s going to resent giving up everything to be with us.
Because I can’t let him give up everything to be with us, yet I can’t find it in me to give up everything to be with him. And fuck if that doesn’t make me a horrible person.
“Paige,” Nate says softly. “I think you’re having a panic attack, Princess.”
It’s then that I look up and realize he’s carried us out of the water and into the house. I’m sitting on his lap on a chair in the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not,” he says with a shake of his head. “Talk to me, please. Tell me what’s wrong so I canmake it better.”
“You can’t,” I whisper.
“Try me.”
I open my mouth to let it all out, but before I can get the words out, Dustin and Valerie appear.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Dustin asks carefully.
“Yeah,” I choke out, pushing off Nate and standing despite him trying to keep me in his lap. “I was just having a moment. This pregnancy is going to be the death of me.”
I force out a laugh, and Valerie joins, but neither Nate nor Dustin joins in, both too intuitive for their own good.
“Can you give us a minute?” Nate asks.
“Yeah, of course,” Dustin says. “We’re about to sing ‘Happy Birthday.’ Come out as soon as you’re ready.”
“Actually, we should go outside with everyone else,” I say, not wanting to be left alone with Nate. “We can talk later.”