Page 25

It’s not that I’m desperate to be with a man, but it hurts to keep letting people in, only for them to disappoint, die, or disappear.
I gave my mom my heart—and she left me.
I gave it to my dad—and he no longer wanted it.
John stomped on it.
And Nate…well, I think he would gladly take it, but I can’t give it to him because I have no doubt that if I do, what’s left of my fragile organ will end up shattered. Maybe it could be different with Nate, but relationships are already hard as it is, let alone adding distance to the mix. So, instead of setting us up for failure, it’s best that we don’t attempt it.
When I leave here and go back home, my plan is to focus on myself. I’ve spent so much time trying to make other people happy that I haven’t considered what I need and deserve.
With my mom, it was all about her because she was sick—yet she still gave up and died.
With my dad, I tried to be a good daughter, hoping I would be enough for him after my mom passed away—but he still got himself a new family.
With John, I put my career and feelings on the back burner, wanting to be everything he needed in a partner—but he still cheated on me.
And with Nate, sadly, I’ll never find out.
“Do you, Paul Sullivan, take…”
As the bride and groom recite their vows, I tunethem out, not in the mood to listen to two people profess their love for one another.
Instead, my thoughts go back to last night. I was in such a poor mood after seeing John and Phoebe that I went straight to the bar to have a drink—which turned into several more.
It wasn’t the fact that they were together that had me upset. The truth is, they barely touched each other all night. It was that they—and what feels like everyone else—get to create a life with the person they love.
My best friend, Ana, found her husband when she was only supposed to be using him to get control of her dad’s company. Now, they’re married with two precious little ones and beyond happy.
My other friend Kira was hired as a nanny by Kingston’s CFO, Ryder. They fell in love and are about to be married next month. They found the person they wanted to spend their life with, and they get to be with them.
Meanwhile, I found someone I could see a future with. A man who is so good that he brought me back to my room and took care of me while I was drunk, left pain relievers and water on the nightstand, and had breakfast and coffee delivered this morning, but instead of getting to see where things go, I have to get on a plane and try to forget he ever existed.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,” the officiant announces, zapping me out of my self-loathing thoughts.
I exhale a sigh of relief that this ordeal is half over. My goal is to go to the reception and be announced with the rest of the bridal party and then skip out when no one is looking. I doubt anyone would notice anyway.
Marina and Paul kiss, and everyone claps, and then we all file out so we can take pictures before the reception starts.
As I stand next to John, forced to smile, I consider getting drunk again to numb the pain of the loneliness I feel.
“You look beautiful,” John whispers, making me roll my eyes. “I was hoping we could talk…”
“There’s nothing to say,” I mutter, keeping my smile plastered on my face.
The pictures thankfully go quickly, and soon enough, we’re being announced. The bride and groom have their dance, followed by the bride dancing with her father, and then the bridal party is called to the dance floor.
One dance, I remind myself, and then I can get the hell out of here.
John places his hands on my hips, and I wrap mine around his neck, and even though our bodies are close, I’ve never felt so alone in my life. As we sway to the song, I can’t help but look at how happy everyone is. The bride and groom are laughing and kissing, so deeply in love and looking forward to what the future holds. Couples are talking and smiling, dancing.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until John squeezesmy arm, and I look up at him.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. “I fucked up. I was lonely and?—”
“These tears aren’t for you,” I snap, angrily swatting them away.
“Look, I know?—”