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Both women nod in understanding.
“How are you doing?” Ana asks softly.
“I’m okay,” I lie, not wanting to bring Kira and Ryder’s housewarming party down with my negativity.
“Don’t do that,” Ana says, repeating the words I just said to Kira. “You don’t want us to hide our true feelings. Well, we don’t want you to hide yours either.”
“What do you want me to say?” I choke out, my emotions getting the better of me. “I messed up. I hooked up with a stranger, and now, I’m pregnant.”
“First of all,” Ana says, “you didn’thook upwith a stranger. You met a man and fell for him. Don’t belittle the time you spent together. We’ve listened to you talk about him, and it wasn’t just a one-night stand.”
“And even if it had been,” Kira adds, “there is nothing wrong with that. After the shit your asshole of an ex pulled, you deserved to get laid.”
“Damn right she did,” Ana agrees.
“Well, it doesn’t matter what it was because theoutcome is the same. I’m pregnant, and in less than six months, I’ll be a single mom.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I close them, trying to stop the liquid emotion from seeping out, but like every time I think of Nate, they spill over.
“This just isn’t how I wanted this all to go down,” I rasp. “And the worst part isn’t that I’ll be a single mom. I can handle that, especially since I have two of the best moms I know as friends.” I smile a watery smile at Kira and Ana. “It’s that Nate’s out there somewhere with no clue that there’s a baby with his DNA growing in my belly. I don’t even know if he wants to be a dad, but because of my stupidity, I took the choice away from him, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”
Sobs rack my body as both women pull me into a hug, telling me it’s going to be okay. And I want to believe them, but right now, it feels like I’m at my lowest point. I’m emotional and terrified, and I just want to crawl under my covers and go to sleep for a long time even though I know it won’t solve anything.
My phone rings in my back pocket, and we break apart, so I can check it. I hired a PI to try to find Nate, so every time the phone rings, I rush to answer it in hopes that it’s him with some information.
“It’s my dad,” I say when I look at my phone.
“Answer it,” Ana encourages, knowing I haven’t told my dad the news yet.
He called me right after I found out, and I didn’t answer. Since then, he’s been calling every few days,but I haven’t had the courage to tell him I’m pregnant and I have no idea where the dad is. I think a part of me is afraid this might be what drives him away for good.
“Okay, I’ll meet you guys out back.”
Kira and Ryder are barbecuing, and everyone is spending the afternoon by their pool since it’s a beautiful day.
“Hey, Dad,” I say as I step outside to the front of the house. There’s a cute bench near the door, so I have a seat on it.
“Paige.” He sighs. “I’ve been worried about you.”
The way his concern sounds genuine has me flinching because we both know he doesn’t really care. And honestly, I don’t even know why he continues with these monthly calls or why I answer them.
I tell myself that he’s the last connection I have to my mom, to the family I once had, and if I cut him off completely, that will be it.
But, as I sit here, with my own baby growing in my belly—a baby I can’t fathom ever not wanting—I question why I keep allowing this cycle to continue. My mom is gone, and she heard what he said about me, so I don’t believe she’d ever fault me for completely removing him from my life.
“Paige,” he says again, snapping me from my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
“Oh,” he says. “Well, congratulations. Is John excited?”
“It’s not John’s,” I admit. “We broke up, and I was with someone else. It was an accident, but I’m still thrilled.”
And as the words leave my mouth, I realize I really do mean that. Sure, things are messy, I have no idea how to find Nate, and I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m thrilled to be a mom.
My thoughts go back to when my mom was alive and the relationship we shared. She loved me more than anything in this world, and even though my dad didn’t want me, she did, the same way I want this baby.
“Well, that’s okay,” Dad says. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I know you’re busy, but I was thinking we could visit you. It’s been a long time, and I’d love to see you. And the girls would love to meet their sister.”