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But here, with Annie, I find myself saying things I haven’t said out loud before.
“She would have been a great mom,” I say quietly.
Annie nods. “I believe that.”
I let out a breath, shaking my head. “She’s probably laughing her ass off right now, watching me try to figure all thisout.”
Annie smirks slightly. “Well, I don’t know Robin, but she sounds like she had good taste in entertainment.”
I huff out a quiet laugh, shaking my head.
“Do you think you’d have had more kids,” Annie asks quietly. “If… you know…”
I glance at her, the question hanging heavy in the air between us. Do I think Robin and I would have had more kids?
I lean back slightly, staring out at the storm. “Yeah,” I admit after a long pause. “I think so.”
Annie watches me, letting me speak.
I swallow, shifting my gaze back to the rain-streaked glass.
“We talked about it sometimes. Not in any real, planned-out way, but in that casual, someday kind of way. She wanted a house full of kids.” A quiet laugh escapes me. “Said she wanted enough to outnumber us.”
Annie tilts her head. “And you?”
I exhale. “I was fine with whatever she wanted. Back then, I thought we had all the time in the world to figure it out.” I shake my head. “Then one day, that time just… ran out. No warning, no notice. Just gone.”
Silence settles between us.
Annie shifts, pulling her legs up onto the bench. She tucks them beneath her, her fingers idly playing with the cuff of my sweatshirt. “That’s a lot to lose.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
She doesn’t say anything right away, just watches me carefully. “And now?” she asks finally.
I exhale. “Now, I’ve stared down at five positive pregnancy tests, trying to figure out what the hell this means for me. For us.”
Annie presses her lips together, then tilts her head slightly. “Figure it out yet?”
I let out a slow breath. “No.”
She doesn’t look away. “You don’t regret it, do you?”
I shift, letting her question settle. Do I regret this? The fact that we were careless? The fact that now, everything is changing?
I think about Robbie. About how I never saw myself as a father until he was standing in front of me. About how I never thought I’d have a second chance at something like this.
Then I think about Annie.
The way she looked at me last night, scared but angry at the thought that I might suggest she get rid of it. The way she’s sitting in front of me right now, patient, and giving me the chance to talk and figure this out with her.
“No,” I say honestly. “I don’t regret it.”
Something shifts in her expression—relief, maybe.
She relaxes slightly. “Good.”
I exhale, dragging my hands down my face. “This is just… a lot.”