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His jawclenches, and for a long, heavy moment, neither of us speaks. The storm outside seems louder now, filling the silence between us, the wind rattling the windows like it’s trying to force its way in.
Finally, Cole sits up straighter, looking at me like he’s making some kind of decision. “How long have you known?”
I hesitate. “Since this afternoon.”
His brows pull together. “Earlier, when you went to the restroom, you were going to the pharmacy.”
“No, I went to the restroom. I passed the pharmacy. I knew something was off, but I didn’t— I don’t know, I didn’t let myself eventhinkof this until the moment that I was walking past it.”
Cole drags a hand down his face, exhaling sharply. “And you took five tests?”
A dry laugh escapes me. “I figured if I took enough, at least one of them would tell me I was wrong.”
He looks down at the tests still lined up on the chest, then back at me. “And when they didn’t?”
I swallow hard. “I obviously didn’t handle it well.”
Something shifts in his face. His frustration is still there, but it’s different now, more restrained. “And you still didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t know how,” I admit, my voicebarely above a whisper.
Cole shakes his head like he doesn’t know whether to be mad or understanding. “Annie…” He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck.
Probably a situation where it’s pretty reasonable to be both. And yet…
I feel the frustration rising in me again, tightening my throat. “You think I wanted to keep this to myself?” I snap. “You think I enjoyed walking around all day with this in my head, trying to pretend everything was normal? I wasn’t ready, Cole. I needed time to process before—”
“You don’t trust me.” Cole leans forward again, elbows braced on his knees, his gaze locked on me.
I clamp my mouth shut.
“That’s not true,” I say, but it doesn’t sound as firm as I want it to.
He shakes his head. “You didn’t tell me because you thought I’d react badly. That I’d—I don’t know, push you away? Tell you this isn’t my problem?”
I don’t answer right away, because the truth is… yeah. Maybe.
“I didn’t know how you’d react,” I finally say. “I didn’t want to—” I stop myself before I can say face rejection.
But Cole hears it anyway.
His brows furrow, his mouth pressing into a thin line. He looks almost hurt, which I didn’t expect.
Ishake my head to his unanswered question. “It’s not about that, Cole. It’s about—” I pause, struggling to find the words. “I’ve never had anyone to rely on when things go sideways. It’s always been me. So yeah, I was scared. I still am.”
His expression softens, but only slightly. “Annie…”
I shake my head. “I don’t need you to fix this. I don’t even know what ‘fixing’ it would mean.” A horrifying thought occurs to me. “And I’m definitely not ‘taking care of it’!” I snap.
Cole puts out both hands, palm up. “I never suggested that.”
I let out a breath, running a hand through my hair. “I know. I’m just… making it clear.” I drop my arms to my sides and droop my shoulders. “I just needed to figure out how I felt about it before I let anyone else in.”
Cole is quiet for a long time, his gaze flicking between me and the tests. He looks like he’s battling about twenty different thoughts at once, but finally, he nods.
“Okay,” he says.
I blink. “Okay?”