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"And I'll bet you think I'd let you do it," she said, glaring at him. Garp, in fact, did think so.

"No, I don't think you would," he said.

"Yes, you think I would love to," Mrs. Ralph said.

Garp hung his head. "No," he said.

"Well, in your case," she said, "I just might." He looked at her and she gave him an evil grin. "It might make you a little less smug," she told him.

"You don't know me well enough to talk to me like this," Garp said.

"I know that you're smug," Mrs. Ralph said. "You think you're so superior." True, Garp knew; he was superior. He would make a lousy marriage counselor, he now knew.

"Please drive carefully," Garp said; he pushed himself away from her car. "If there's anything I can do, please call."

"Like if I need a good lover?" Mrs. Ralph asked him, nastily.

"No, not that," Garp said.

"Why did you stop me?" she asked him.

"Because I thought you were driving too fast," he said.

"I think you're a pompous fart," she told him.

"I think you're an irresponsible slob," Garp told her. She cried out as if she were stabbed.

"Look, I'm sorry," he said (again), "but I'll just come pick up Duncan."

"No, please," she said. "I can look after him, I really want to. He'll be all right--I'll look after him like he was my own!" This didn't truly comfort Garp. "I'm not that much of a slob--with kids," she added; she managed an alarmingly attractive smile.

"I'm sorry," Garp said--his litany.

"So am I," said Mrs. Ralph. As if the matter were resolved between them, she started her car and drove past the stop sign and through the intersection without looking. She drove away--slowly, but more or less in the middle of the road--and Garp waved his wooden spoon after her.

Then he picked up The Eternal Husband and walked home.

10

THE DOG IN THE ALLEY, THE CHILD IN THE SKY

We've got to get Duncan out of that mad woman's house," Garp told Helen.

"Well, you do it," Helen said. "You're the one who's worried."

"You should have seen how she drove," Garp said.

"Well," said Helen, "presumably Duncan isn't going to be riding around with her."

"She may take the boys out for a pizza," Garp said. "I'm sure she can't cook."

Helen was looking at The Eternal Husband. She said, "It's a strange book for a woman to give to another woman's husband."

"She didn't give it to me, Helen. She threw it at me."

"It's a wonderful story," Helen said.

"She said it was just sick," Garp said, despairingly. "She thought it was unfair to women."