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After telling my parents about the breakup yesterday, I figured they would corner me and ask me to share my feelings about it. They didn’t, which was a relief. Except, I wonder how badly I fucked up by dating her. Did anyone like her? I know I did, until I didn’t.
Last night, while I lay in bed—thinking about going up to Juniper’s room and holding her—I thought back to the beginning of the tour, looking for the first clue when I stopped liking Nola. When I stopped loving her. I can’t pinpoint the moment, but I can safely say that each memory includes Justine, and I believe there’s a reason for that.
I climb the now steady ladder of the Beaumont water tower and walk the mesh walkway until I come to the spot I’ve sat in a few times. This was never my thing. Not like Noah’s or the twins’. Once Noah graduated, I didn’t come back here. The people we hung with were his friends, not mine. I gravitated toward the band kids. They were more my speed, willing to jam on the weekends instead of getting drunk.
Leaning back, my head touches the cool metal of the long defunct water container. Liam has fought hard to keep this here, calling it a tradition of Beaumont teens, a rite of passage. The town was going to tear it down until Liam offered to buy the property. Without a doubt, this place is a liability, but he doesn’t seem to care. He wants the kids to have the same high school experience he did.
A truck pulls in and parks. Liam, JD, and my dad. They get out and head this way, only without a cooler of beer, which Isuppose is a good thing since it’s too early for that shit. Another truck pulls in—and backs up to the tower—this time it’s Noah and Ben.
“Hey,” my dad says when he and Liam get to my spot.
“Hey. What are you guys doing here?”
“Nick called, said he saw you walking over this way, and there’s only one reason we come to the tower,” Liam says as he sits down.
“Oh, yeah, what’s that?” I ask, laughing lightly.
“Women,” Dad says. I give him a confused look, curious about what kind of issues he could have had with Mom. They’re the two most compatible people I know.
“We’re here with provisions,” Noah says as he sets a bag down. He opens it and pulls out jugs of orange juice, bottles of soda, and those bottles of coffee sold in the cooler section at the convenience store.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m about to tie one on,” Ben says as he rubs his belly.
“You’ll have to wait your turn, mate,” JD grabs a bottle of juice and twists the lid off, flipping it toward Noah’s truck.
“You guys, I meant what I said yesterday—I’m good.”
“We know,” Dad says as he puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Seriously though. This isn’t some cover,” I add. I feel like I’m begging them to understand.
“We’re just here to chill,” Liam says.
The six of us sit there, drinking OJ, iced coffee, and soda, saying nothing until my dumb ass blurts out, “I think I’m in love with someone.”
“Yes, mate!” JD holds his hand up high and then sighs audibly when I just stare at him. This doesn’t call for a celebration moment, even though I’m happy on the inside. It’s a heavy admission to say you’re in love with someone else afterdropping the bomb that you and your fiancée are no longer together.
JD keeps his hand there and nods for me to slap it. I finally do. “That’s what I’m talking about,” he says as he sends his empty bottle of iced coffee toward Noah’s truck. The glass shatters, which means we all cheer. I swear this shit is therapeutic.
“Is it Justine?” Dad asks.
I glance at him and then Noah. “I didn’t say anything,” he says as he holds his hands up.
“How’d you know?” I ask my dad.
“I can see it. It’s in the way you guys perform together. Last year, you were just there,” he says, shrugging. “Like you were going through the motions. Now, you’re goingtothe emotions.”
“Your dad’s right,” Liam adds. “I noticed the shift around the second or third stop. The fans have noticed as well. Of course, Nola’s absence from the tour fuels fan speculation.”
“Are you conversing with fans?” I ask him.
Liam chuckles. “No, Paige is though. She runs all of Elle’s social media, which means she’s running Sinful Distraction’s. She’s brought it up a couple of times.”
“Huh,” I say, while wondering why Paige didn’t bring it up yesterday when we were having our pity session in the studio. “So, yeah, that’s where I’m at.”
“Better than a fan,” JD adds. “That’s when shit gets messed up.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Ben adds. “Does Elle know?”