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“For what?” Dad chuckles.
“For this.” I look at around at my family. Other than my dad, I’m not related to a single one of them, except by a piece of paperand love. “For giving me this life when you could’ve easily shut the door and never looked back, for giving me this family.”
My eyes find our mom, our rock, the one who made sure we had a normal upbringing and experienced everything we could. “Being your son, their brother, and now an uncle is literally the best part of my life.”
Elle chokes out a sob. “Well shit, Quinn. You can’t say emo shit to a woman who just had a baby.”
“Two,” Peyton says.
“Right, what she said,” Elle qualifies.
I move in for closer look at my nephews. Peyton steps to the other side of Elle as she adjusts her boys.
“Whenever I mess up, don’t worry. Your auntie P and uncle Quinny will take care of you. Believe me, their phone numbers will be the first thing you memorize.”
“You’re not going to mess up, E,” I lean in and whisper.
We visit for another hour, taking turns holding the boys and trying to find any distinguishing marks so we’ll be able to tell them apart. I catch a ride back to Noah and Peyton’s after taking them up on their suggestion I stay with them.
As if the triplets are partly mine, I follow the new parents upstairs. Noah looks at me over his shoulder with a ‘what the fuck are you doing’ look but says nothing as I follow them into the boy’s room. I immediately walk through the bathroom and take the spot Liam vacated in Juniper’s room.
No one taught me not to wake a sleeping baby, so I pick her up and carry her over to the rocker. On the table, next to the chair, is a stack of books. The first one beingA Visit from St. Nicholas.
“Did you know your auntie Elle was going to have two babies?”
Juniper doesn’t answer me, but for all I know babies have some weird in the womb sonar and little Miss Junie already knew she was getting two cousins.
“From this point forward, it’s you and me kid. We’re the odd ones out. Your brothers have each other. Your cousins will have each other. I know what it’s like to grow up with twins and feeling left out. That’s not going to be you. I won’t ever let you feel like you’re on the outside.”
I position her on my chest and sigh at the warmth she gives me. Holding her, it makes me want my own or at least be with someone who wants to share their life with me without reservation. It really sucks to feel like I’ve wasted years with Nola, that I may have missed an opportunity at finding my forever.
I crack the book open and start reading to her, figuring if I fail at being a rocker, I’ll become an audiobook narrator. The story’s short and knowing my sister, she’s probably read it to her daughter a million times already. I close the book and my eyes, taking in this quiet time.
“Do you want me to take her?” Peyton’s voice whispers in the quiet.
“I’m good. We’re just chilling.”
“She’ll be up to eat soon.”
“I’ll come get you when she starts fussing. If you don’t mind. I’m going to stay in here with her.”
“I don’t mind,” she says. “Is everything okay?”
I let her question sink in and ask myself if everything’s okay. And it is.
I nod.
“Merry Christmas Eve, Quinn.”
“Merry Christmas Eve, Peyton.”
She pulls Juniper’s door, leaving it cracked open. My niece and I continue to rock back and forth. I can easily see why this isthe preferred method of falling asleep. It’s fucking soothing and they need to make adult beds that do this shit. I’d probably sleep for days.
“It’s the holidays,” I tell the peanut resting on my chest. “In the morning, I’m going to go buy you and your brothers some gift that you won’t ever remember, but I will because it’ll be the first thing I ever give to you, and then I’m going to come back here because I’d rather be with you, Maverick and Jace, then sleeping in my old room. You don’t know this yet, but you’re a comfort for me, Juniper.”
One of the boys let’s out an ear-piercing scream and Juniper whimpers. “Oh no, your brother must be hungry, which means you’ll probably want to eat as well. Your mama did say you were going to be hungry soon. Do you think she’ll let me feed you?”
I hear Peyton in the other room, moving quietly and soothing whichever boy is crying. It doesn’t take long for the other one to let his desires be heard. Noah comes in and starts talking. Listening to these two manage parenthood puts a smile on my face.