Page 44
Story: The Road to Forever
The crowd cheers like they felt that line. I almost laugh.
They don’t know it’s real.
They don’t know how much of her is stitched into these songs.
I glance stage left, and this time the row is empty—fully, finally.
No ghost.
Just space.
When the next song kicks in,“Echoes on the Stairs,” I let my eyes close and lean into the mic. I stop thinking and just sing. Not for her. Not for Justine. Not even for the fans.
For me.
Each lyric comes out jagged, a little louder than usual, like I’m dragging my grief into the open and daring it to flinch. The band keeps up. Dana locks eyes with me on the last bridge and mouths, “That was raw.”
I nod.
Let it be.
Let it all be.
By the time Justine walks onstage beside me for “Come Undone,” I’m running on instinct and adrenaline. She meets me with a soft smile, one that asks nothing of me but the music. I give her that. Nothing more.
We sing like we’ve been singing together for years.
And when it ends, the crowd doesn’t just cheer—they erupt.
We leave the stage. The lights fade. The applause lingers.
And for once, I feel empty in a way that doesn’t hurt.
Like maybe something left me tonight.
Something that needed to go.
That something is Nola. It’s not going to matter what happens when I get to South Carolina; we’re not in the same place we were months ago.
The greenroom is dim and quiet when I get back. There’s a bottle of water sweating on the table and a folded towel someone tossed on the arm of the couch. I sit down, head in my hands, elbows on my knees.
I’m not shaking. I’m not spinning.
I’m just . . . still.
The crowd’s roar is still fading from my ears, replaced by the sound of my own breath. Slow. Even.
For the first time in weeks, I don’t feel like I’m dragging my body behind me.
I finally feel present. On the tour. Within myself.
Whole? Not yet. But here.
I reach for my notebook without thinking and flip it open—not to the new lyrics, not yet. Just blank pages. A new place to start.
I jot a line that hits before I can question it:
You can’t haunt someone who’s already walked through fire.
They don’t know it’s real.
They don’t know how much of her is stitched into these songs.
I glance stage left, and this time the row is empty—fully, finally.
No ghost.
Just space.
When the next song kicks in,“Echoes on the Stairs,” I let my eyes close and lean into the mic. I stop thinking and just sing. Not for her. Not for Justine. Not even for the fans.
For me.
Each lyric comes out jagged, a little louder than usual, like I’m dragging my grief into the open and daring it to flinch. The band keeps up. Dana locks eyes with me on the last bridge and mouths, “That was raw.”
I nod.
Let it be.
Let it all be.
By the time Justine walks onstage beside me for “Come Undone,” I’m running on instinct and adrenaline. She meets me with a soft smile, one that asks nothing of me but the music. I give her that. Nothing more.
We sing like we’ve been singing together for years.
And when it ends, the crowd doesn’t just cheer—they erupt.
We leave the stage. The lights fade. The applause lingers.
And for once, I feel empty in a way that doesn’t hurt.
Like maybe something left me tonight.
Something that needed to go.
That something is Nola. It’s not going to matter what happens when I get to South Carolina; we’re not in the same place we were months ago.
The greenroom is dim and quiet when I get back. There’s a bottle of water sweating on the table and a folded towel someone tossed on the arm of the couch. I sit down, head in my hands, elbows on my knees.
I’m not shaking. I’m not spinning.
I’m just . . . still.
The crowd’s roar is still fading from my ears, replaced by the sound of my own breath. Slow. Even.
For the first time in weeks, I don’t feel like I’m dragging my body behind me.
I finally feel present. On the tour. Within myself.
Whole? Not yet. But here.
I reach for my notebook without thinking and flip it open—not to the new lyrics, not yet. Just blank pages. A new place to start.
I jot a line that hits before I can question it:
You can’t haunt someone who’s already walked through fire.
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