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“Romance novels. With steamy scenes.” She blows out a breath. “What do you want, Tyler?”
“To talk.”
“You didn’t do much talking at your penthouse that day.” She lifts her chin in dignified sneer. “In fact, if I remember correctly, you asked me to leave and haven’t contacted me since.”
I nod slowly. “May I have a seat?”
She looks like she’s about to say no, then waves a hand in the air, “Suit yourself.”
Well, I deserve that. I deserve everything she throws my way. But I can take it. By some quirk of fate, I’m here with her, and I’m going to make the most of this occasion.
I slide into the seat opposite her, moving the plates and cups on the table in front of me aside, so the space between us is not cluttered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Huh?” she blinks. “What did you say?”
“I’m sorry. I was an arse for asking you to leave my place the way I did that day. I’m a twat for not coming out and sharing what was on my mind. I’m an ignominious wanker for not telling you what I was feeling. Truth is, I was thrown by what happened. First you, then Serene, entering my life in less than twenty-four hours. It was like an emotional dynamite exploded my life. And I’m still picking up the pieces.”
She stares, not speaking. Simply stares, like she can’t believe her ears, or that I’m sitting here apologizing to her.
“Priscilla,” I murmur her name. I relish the sensation of forming her name on my lips. It feels like forever since I spoke her name aloud. “Cilla?” I coax her. “Say something."
She firms her lips. “You saw me with Knox, but you didn’t say anything. You turned and left.”
I lean back in the seat, then cross my arms over my chest. Yes, I’m feeling defensive. Yes, I’m showing it with my actions. But one thing I’ve learned in the past few months of being a dad? Life is an emotional minefield. And you can’t keep everything locked inside. Indeed, it’s okay to sometimes to share your vulnerabilities. And I’ll admit, I’m hoping that by doing so, I'll get through to her, so I jerk my chin. “I did. I didn’t want to do something that could come back to haunt my daughter. I didn’t want my actions to make her be ashamed of me.”
“Oh.” She swallows. Some of the fight seems to go out of her. “You’re right, of course.” She looks away and swallows again. “I’m being selfish, aren’t I? Thinking only of myself and my feelings, and how much you hurt me. And of course, all this time, you’ve been coping with being a father. You have Serene to think of now.”
“Cilla…” I lean forward. “Please don’t beat yourself up. It's me who’s at fault. I was cruel, telling you to leave, and then cutting you out of my life like that, when you and I had a connection. I knew you were moved by seeing Serene on my doorstep that day. If you hadn’t been there to help me through those first few hours with her, I wouldn’t have been able to cope.”
“You’re stretching the truth. I didn’t do anything.” She tosses her head.
“You showed me how to change a nappy. Believe me, that was valuable.”
She looks at me closely, then shakes her head. “I can’t believe you're here. And that you live near The Fearless Kitten. When did you move?”
“About a month ago. I needed help with Serene. And when my friends’ wives offered to help with babysitting, I knew it made sense to move here. Besides, it’s not like I’d trust just anyone with Serene. Especially not after the experiences I’ve had with nannies.” I wince. “Sorry, didn’t mean it that way.”
She half-smiles. “You’re good. I know how difficult it is to find good childcare. I also know, I’m good at what I do. Although, considering the funding problems the daycare I work at is having, you wouldn’t know it.” She pops a shoulder. “But enough about me. How are you and Serene doing?”
She pastes on a smile on her face.
Which doesn’t fool me at all. There’s worry lurking in her eyes, which makes my chest tight. I scan her beautiful features, take in the shadows under her eyes. At the lunch, I was too overcome with emotion to notice, but I can see she looks tired. And she seems to have lost weight, too. Concern stabs at my chest.
“We’re doing okay. As well as a single dad who holds down a full-time job and tries to take care of his kid can do.” I chuckle. “Which is to say, I barely manage. My respect for single moms is sky high. Their jobs are far more difficult than being the CEO of a company. I should know; I am one, after all.”
Her gaze gentles. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Everyone does. Eventually.” There’s a quiet confidence in her voice.
I lean in as close as I dare, given the table between us, and without it looking too creepy, so I can draw in the subtle scent of her. I managed to sniff her when I passed her earlier, and it was enough to make my heart sigh in relief and drain the blood to my groin. That attraction between us has only intensified over the past few months. And the fact that I almost lost her to Knox? Damn, it was a wake-up call which gave me many sleepless nights.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you or make an attempt to reach out to you after that lunch.”
She stiffens. The thaw I sensed in her demeanor vanishes and is replaced by a flash of anger. I almost regret broaching the issue, but I have to. I need to clear the air, to the best of my ability. I need to figure out a solution to bring her back into my life. Because I need her. I miss her. More than I can admit, even to myself.
“Seeing you with Knox and realizing I might lose you for good was my worst nightmare come true.”
She frowns but doesn’t comment.