Page 210

His eyes thaw. “I wasn’t sure if you would understand.”
I’m insulted. “Do you think I don’t know you? Do you think—I spent every year of college loving you. I knew you better than any of those subjects. I craved you. What made you smile. What made you think. What made you angry. Every quirk of your eyebrow. Every hint of a smile. Of course I know why you did this.”
He walks closer to me. I’m attacked by his spicy, masculine scent. By the memory of his kisses.
Tears blur my vision. “But I asked you.” My heart shatters in real time. “I asked you not to make decisions without me. I asked you to treat me like a partner. To do this together.”
His face darkens. He turns away from me. “You wouldn’t agree to the security detail and the threats against you were getting worse. I made a choice.”
“You made the wrong one!” I yell.
Silence descends between us.
The seconds blur by as I stare at him.
“Do you even know what you did wrong?”
“I expected you to be angry.” He folds over, presses both hands flat against the desk, right into the mess, the stains born from our love. “But I’d rather you be angry with me and alive, than happy with me and…” His voice clips.
“We should have made that decisiontogether.”
“You don’t understand—”
“Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, Cody!” I shriek.
His mouth snaps shut. His green eyes glow with anger.
I laugh brokenly.
This moment feels so familiar.
This emptiness.
This loneliness.
“I was an idiot for believing that you’d really changed. You haven’t. You’re the same guy who left me at our wedding. Full of good intentions, but it’s always about you. You don’t care about me. You never have.”
His eyes sharpen. “Don’t.” He shakes his head. “Yell at me if you want. Doubt me if you want. But never doubt my love for you.”
“Youloveme?” I laugh bitterly. “You love me… so you got on air and told the world that I mean nothing to you?”
“If you want, I’ll explain to our group of friends—”
“Don’t you get it, Cody? I don’t care what the world thinks of me. I only care what you think. But back then and now, you could never give me what I really want.”
There’s a note of finality in my voice. It rings through the room and sends a flash of alarm through Cody’s eyes.
He reaches for me. “Clarissa.”
I hold both hands up so he can’t touch me. “I need some space.”
He doesn’t fight. Doesn’t hold me back.
He just nods.
And somehow, that hurts even worse.
I stalk to the door and then stop. “You left me first, Cody. This time, I’m the one walking away.”