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“I knew I shouldn’t have told you that.”
I smile.
Cody smiles too.
I drop a kiss on his bicep. “I have a question.”
“If it has anything to do with the extent and frequency of my stalking you in college, I plead the fifth.”
I can’t help chuckling.
Right now, I’m so worried about Joel that I’m grateful for any hint of levity. Even if it’s unintentional.
“We’ll come back to that.”
“Maybe.” He draws a circle into my back.
“It’s about tonight. Why did you rush to the balcony to apologize?”
“That?” An eyebrow arches. He traces a heart this time. “No—”
“If you say no reason, I’m leaving your lap and sitting on that chair across the desk.”
He holds me tighter.
“I mean it, Cody.”
He sighs against my neck. His hot breath sends goosebumps racing up my spine.
“Security told me you rushed outside looking upset.” He turns his head slightly and gazes at me with eyes so hot, I might catch a heatstroke. “I lost it.”
“Is that it?” I slide my hands over his neck. “The way you looked at me. The way you spoke to me. It felt more intense than a simple check up on my well-being.”
He glances away.
I turn his chin back in my direction. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He cradles my waist. “The day after our wedding, I came back to your dorm room to see you.”
My heart tumbles out of my chest and starts beating on the floor. “You came back? But I never saw you.”
“I left after what I overheard.”
My breath gets trapped in my throat.
“You talked about how you couldn’t take it anymore. That being with me made you tired and sad because you felt like you had to be someone you weren’t.”
“Cody…”
“You’d never come to me about it. You never told me that being with me was eating you alive. And I was an idiot. I kept dragging you to those networking events. I kept telling you not to worry about what people said.” Cody shakes his head. “I was a coward because I didn’t have the power yet. I couldn’t protect you. Ineededthem. And I think I would have asked you to keep hurting until I could stand on top of them for you.”
“Cody…”
“That wasn’t fair. Not to you. How could I drag you back into my life after hearing how broken you felt?” Cody’s jaw clenches. “I couldn’t do that to you, Ris. If I couldn’t protect you, it was better to let you go. So I left. And I never looked back.”
I blink and blink, trying to absorb that information. If I’d known he showed up the day after the wedding—if I’d known he hadn’t just abandoned me without a word— would I have forgiven him faster? Would I have sought him out? Would we have spared ourselves ten years of separation and pain?
My lips tremble. “I was secretly hoping you’d come back to me. Every day, I hated you and missed you equally. If I’d known… we wasted ten years, Cody.”