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He glares daggers at me, but behind all that, I recognize the concern in his gaze. If I’m upset, can he still tell me to shut the fuck up about his car’s nickname?
He snaps his mouth shut, turning away, and I decide right there that I must not be hiding my freak-out well.
I walk back outside and head toward West’s ginormous truck the local dealership gave him as part of an NIL deal. My own are slowly coming in, but I try not to think about them because if I do, it messes with my head. I saw the circus West had to go through when shit hit the fan with his dad and how he had to play into keeping his sponsors happy. That’s not something I want to deal with.
Another reason why I shouldn’t have been so reckless.
The truck growls to life, this beast even louder than my sports car’s engine. It’s totally West, though. The insignia on the side, West “Hulk” Brooks, is the icing on the cake.
He backs out of the driveway and asks, “So, what’s up? If this is about me giving you a hard time earlier, I’m sorry. You know I really like Bailey. It wasn’t my place.”
I shake my head. “Dude.” I blow out a breath. I’m usually not so embarrassed to talk about sex, but this is different. This is about Bailey and me, which makes it mean more, and worse, it’s about us being walked in on. “So… Ugh,” I growl in frustration, my fingers curling into my thighs. “I don’t know how to say it, but after the ASPCA thing, I took Bailey down by the river and we…were together, and a cop found us.”
West peers over at me, eyes bugging out of his head. “Shit. Are you okay? Is Bailey okay?”
“Everything’s fine.” I rub up and down my arms like I’m cold, but I’m not. “We’re both embarrassed. The cop scared the shit out of me. He was talking about misdemeanors and telling Coach.”
“Fuck.”
“He said he wasn’t going to do it, but, West, what the fuck? Am I just bad at this?” I ask, the words tumbling out. “I feel like I’m fucking everything up. First, I fucked up with the team. That got better, partly because of Bailey, but now I feel like a failure because I almost screwed it up again, with herandthem. If Bailey’s parents found out…” I shake my head. “West, you don’t even know. They’re so strict.”
“That’s heavy shit,” he says. Silence fills the car for a bit. “Let’s go from the outcome back. You’re fine. Bailey’s fine. No one got in trouble.”
“But only because I’m me!”
“Wait, wait, wait. He could’ve just as easily turned you in because you’re you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Of course West would have this perspective because of what his dad did to him. “That’s true,” I agree.
“So, what are you most upset about?” he asks. “Is this about football? Or is this about letting Bailey down?”
“Both. They seem intertwined somehow.” I glance over at him. A lot of the guys on the team have girlfriends, but I had an up close and personal take on West’s relationship with Kenna. If you’d asked me before if college kids could fall in love, I’m not sure what I would’ve told you, but I do know that what West and Kenna have is the real thing. They’ll be together for the rest of their lives.
A sick feeling squeezes my stomach. I blink, suddenly understanding where all my apprehension is coming from.
It’s fear. One hundred percent. People don’t stay with me, they leave me. It’s been engrained within me since my real mom left at five. I’ve been guarded from my own parents because I don’t want them to ever leave me.
My eyes prick with heat. “I think the problem is that I’m falling for her.”
West reaches over to put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I know you told me not to, but I happened to tell Kenna that you guys were faking it, and she laughed at me. She said there was no way either one of you were faking anything. You were lying to yourselves.”
“You told Kenna? Dick.”
He smiles, replacing his hand back on the steering wheel. “Just assume that when you tell me to keep a secret, it means from everyone but Kenna. You probably understand that now.”
I take a deep, rattling breath. “It’s scary.”
He looks over. “It can be. You know I’ve had my own shit with my dad and mom being…them. It’s not comfortable putting your heart in someone else’s hands when you’ve been through something like that. Something like you have, too. Does she know about you being adopted?”
I nod. “I told her, but I haven’t told her everything. I probably screwed that up, too.” Sighing, I wipe the fog from the window. “I left her with her brother tonight. My brain wouldn’t let me act normal, and I think I hurt her feelings. I’m sure I hurt her feelings.”
“You should tell her. I know it’s scary. I get it. But that’s where trust comes in. Let’s not forget that I fucked it up with Kenna before. We all know I did. Thankfully, she saw what I was doing, and she’s the one who made me see.”
Jesus. If people could hear us now. We sound like two saps. “I wish I knew that she was staying at Warner, but even that is up in the air. Her brother told me the other day that he wouldn’t start something with a girl because his parents won’t let him stay. I can’t do long distance, West. I need her here.”
I blow out a breath. It feels so fucking good to talk this out. I’m understanding myself more and more. Bailey never promised she would stay. In fact, she said at most she would get one semester in, but now that we’re in so deep, we have to make this work. I can’t go through someone I love leaving me again.
“What’s their issue with Warner?”