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I can’t believe we’re actually arguing about this. This is insane. If this is what I act like in college, I’m out.
He reaches for me, guiding my chin to look at him again. “So we’re clear, I had fun with other girls when I was in party mode. I was half-loaded with alcohol and high on being the star on campus. With you, I wasn’t drinking at all. I was laughing my ass off. We were enjoying ourselves with being all into that fake sex competition until things just…switched.”
I breathe in.
“It was normal,” he says. “I wanted you. You wanted me. That’s all it has to be. We can call it what it is: a lapse in defenses. We’re playing around so much that some lines are bound to be crossed. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s not a terrible thing.”
“Wow, you’re really making me feel better.” I roll my eyes. “Is this the part where you say it’s completely normal to get overstimulated and go relieve myself in the bathroom?”
“Well, yes, it is.”
“Then the only abnormal part was you coming in afterward?”
“I was also overstimulated. That’s what two people do when they’re together like that.”
“So, you’re fine with it?”
“More than fine.”
“O-kay…”
I turn away, and he lets his foot off the brake and starts driving again. I don’t know how to take this conversation, but it sounds like everything’s normal. What we did was perfectly natural. He doesn’t think I’m like the other girls he’s trying to get away from.
Aidan points the car away from town, and I try to find the street names to figure out where we are. After a few minutes, it’s clear he’s not heading to the house.
“It’s killing you, isn’t it?” he asks. “Why don’t you ask me?”
“Is this where you tell me it’s also natural to be curious?”
He snickers. “Of course. Everything you do is right and true and perfect,” he says with fake enthusiasm.
I fake laugh and sigh afterward. “Okay, for real, where are we going?”
He peers over with a huge grin. “A surprise.”
11
AIDAN
I steer toward the chasm,my mind a jumble of thoughts. Trying to convince Bailey that what we did was fine was more me trying to convince myself it was fine.
It didn’t take a sex therapist to realize what she was doing in the bathroom by herself. A man with more willpower could’ve kept walking past the bathroom door. Not me. Instead, I grabbed the doorknob. When it was blissfully unlocked, I took it as a sign.
Seeing her rock into her hand had made me even harder than I already was. A fucking stone statue. I could write a scientific thesis on how blue balls are definitely a thing. Guarantee I’ll be rubbing one out tonight thinking about taking her against that bathroom counter.
Considering everything, I think it was a great, if not typical, first college party experience for her. If I had been paying attention to the fake-dating lines we drew, it would’ve been bleh.
Obviously, what I’m really trying to do is convince myself I didn’t just fuck everything up. That devil on my shoulder is hard to ignore.
Over and over again, in the silence of the car, I analyze where the tension shifted. For me, it was those little sounds she was making. The way she loved my dirty talk. Can’t say I’ve ever used it like that before. I went into it trying to be over-the-top intentionally, not knowing it was going to spiral the both of us out of control.
I’m the one who should’ve apologized to her.
The road in front of us transitions from pavement to rock. Up ahead, weeds grow sporadically out of loose sandstone gravel. Judging by how unkempt everything is, it doesn’t look like anyone’s been here for a while. We are getting to the end of the season for this, but when I saw that small, scribbled sentence on her list, I knew I had to take her here.
“Where are we?” she asks again.
I peer over to find her squinting, trying to see into the dark night. As soon as I cut the engine, she’ll be able to hear the flow of water.