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“Your presence has thrown a bit of a wrench in the works, since I now have to make sure you don’t get carried off and fucked senseless in the back of a carriage. What a stupid decision to come here. Those women will sell you off to the highest bidder.”

“They absolutely will not. I know them. We work together. I asked them to help me come here undercover tonight. Who’s our informant?”

“He’smyinformant, found throughmysources, andI’llbe talking to him.”

“You’re here atmyrequest, for the safety ofmyOrder, and you’re doing it in exchange formyhealing of your little embolus.”

Osric sought a rebuttal, but his clever scripts from earlier had evaporated. He wished to stare daggers at Fairhrim, perhaps amplified with a literal dagger, but he didn’t want Madam Miffle to trundle over with her castration device. He glared at the pornography behind the bar instead. Fairhrim did the same.

“Why so many vulvas?” asked Fairhrim, with fresh annoyance. “You’d think there’d be more anuses, given the place’s name.”

“I can’t believe I paid three hundred thrymsas to hear you complain about a lack of anuses.”

Fairhrim looked grim. They stared at the Wall of Vulvas in silence. The brawl raged on behind them. Someone, bleeding from both eyes,was carried out. A posse entered, snatched up Steve the Builder, and dragged him into a back room. He defended himself with a trowel. The bartender picked up Pissbag Perry and threw him at the dartboard; he did not get a bull’s-eye, but he did break Pissbag’s neck. Pint glasses arced over the scene like foamy fireworks.

“So, now what?” asked Fairhrim.

“We’ve reached an impasse,” said Osric.

“Since your plan was threats of murder—and, I suppose, actual murder—let me have a go at the informant first, and see what I discover. If he’s not cooperative, we can do it your way.”

This was, admittedly, a logical proposal. If they did the opposite, Fairhrim wouldn’t get much of a go, due to the death and everything. Odds were strong that Osric would be getting his way in the end, too.

“Fine,” said Osric.

Fairhrim looked suspicious. Osric did not, apparently, often agree with her.

“Which one is the informant?” she asked.

Osric pointed at Choking Hazard, who was presently pressing Dandruff’s face into a heap of broken glass. Choking Hazard moved on to waterboarding Dandruff with a bottle of ale.

Fairhrim observed him as one might observe urinal scum. “I see.”

Dandruff fainted. Choking Hazard extinguished his cigar in Dandruff’s eye and made his way to the bar. Osric and Fairhrim ceased their conversation as the man approached. He muscled his way between them and slapped his hand on the counter.

“Thirsty work,” he declared. “Double whiskey.”

Choking Hazard glanced at Fairhrim with mild interest, looked away, and then, with bulging eyes, turned to her again. Osric witnessed the man grow immediately and desperately enamoured with Fairhrim: he went soft eyed, his mouth hung open, and he sighed out a breathy “Wow.”

Fairhrim directed a small, shy smile towards Choking Hazard. (She had never managed a small, shy smile towards Osric. Simply a note for the record.)

The barkeep materialised with the whiskey, which he slammed into Choking Hazard’s palm before returning to his game of darts.

Choking Hazard, jarred from his stupor, said, “Phwoar.You’re a sight for sore eyes. Where’d you come from? Haven’t seen you round here before.”

He attempted to throw back his whiskey and missed most of his mouth because he was staring at Fairhrim, dazed and slack-jawed.

“I’m new,” said Fairhrim. She looked demurely downwards and tucked a stray curl of hair behind her ear.

(Since when was Fairhrimdemure?)

“You’re fucking beautiful,” said Choking Hazard. “Who do you work for?”

(Was she beautiful? No. Osric was a great connoisseur of beauty. She was not beautiful. All there was to see here was an annoyingly unafraid gaze and a maddening mouth that alternately spouted nonsense and overly sharp sense at random intervals. She was pretty at best. Just pretty.)

“I’ve just started working with Madam Miffle,” said Fairhrim.

“Where’d she dig you up?” asked Choking Hazard.