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I cross my arms over my chest. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been here. In fact, I can only vaguely remember where my mother’s gravesite is, but Grandma pulls up to a brown spot of grass and parks like they’re old friends.
She opens the car door and gets out. Peering over, I spot the tiny, marbled gravestone, fresh flowers sprout from a hanging basket off to the side. Dark orange–and-yellow mums wilting a little in the bright sunlight.
After a deep breath, I push open the door and follow her. She gets there before me, especially since I shuffle behind her like a reprimanded child. Guilt stands by my side like a shadow.
“I don’t come here,” I tell her.
“I know.” She takes a deep breath, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes while she stares down at the black-and-white marble.Loving wife, mother, and daughter. Charlotte Heywood. “No one came here except me and Gerald, and now it’s only me.”
Long seconds pass. It stretches into mute minutes.
“I always felt bad for you. Not in the way you think,” she corrects. “You never got to know your mother, and she loved you so much. She would tell me her dreams for you while she rubbedher swollen stomach, her eyes bright. There’s nothing like seeing your daughter have one of her own. It was a magical time…until it wasn’t.”
Emotion clogs my throat. I try to clear it, but it keeps getting worse.
She turns toward me. “I want you to think about something for me, Charlotte. I want you to think long and hard. Your boyfriend, Cade, he?—”
Immediately, I tune her out, but she steps in my direction.
“Listen, because I know this is hard to hear, but he cares for you. I promised I wouldn’t say anything bad about your dad, and this isn’t a complaint about him, really. This is a complaint about everything that happened.” She lifts her gaze to mine, and it feels like a moment that will be etched into my memory forever. “You don’t know what it’s like to grow up with people who care about you. That’s a fact. It’s a terrible one, but it is one. Your dad did his best, but he was too lost inside.”
Tears trek down her face, finding the least possible resistance in the path between her wrinkles.
“Gerald and I, we tried our hardest until it was too hard for him to see us, and then you were alone. All these years I drove by your house, I saw the light die from you like I saw the house age and rot. I feared that what was happening on the outside was happening on the inside, but I was paralyzed with guilt and scared of jumping into your life where I wasn’t wanted.”
I shift from foot to foot, biting my lip.
“Then one day, I actually saw you smile when you were walking home from campus. I didn’t know why, but I wondered. Then, little by little, you started smiling while leaving the house. Then I saw Cade drop you off once, and the way he made you light up, it was like seeing my Charlotte all over again. Charley, he not only made you happy, but it was also like he reversed time. When I walked up and saw the house, I saw your mom onthe front porch, walking in with your dad when they were first married. I saw her sitting out on the chairs, rubbing her stomach and drinking tea. Cade brought the good memories back, and for the life of me, I can’t see why you’re so mad.
“You’ve been living a life where the good times haven’t come easy, but, sweetheart, it isn’t supposed to be that way. Smiles should come quickly and last forever. The people who love you should surprise you and help you. Lift you up. You called it an invasion, and sure, it was, but in one of the most beautiful ways. I’d hate to see you let your trauma ruin this for you because making that house better wasn’t Cade’s mistake.” She hesitates. “How you reacted was.”
My lips wobble. “He said he loved me.”
“He does,” she says, nodding. “And you need to believe him.”
“But everything I’ve ever loved dies or leaves or gets destroyed or taken away?—”
“No,” she corrects. “Your mama is with you. I see her in your laugh. I see your dad’s personality in your humor. I see your grandpa in the way you walk with your chin lifted in the air. They are with you, my sweet girl. They haven’t gone anywhere.”
“It’s been so hard,” I sob, losing the fight with my tears.
She places her arms around me. “Your dad is finally getting the help he needs, and I’m taking you two to therapy when he can get around better. You are so brave and so strong, you need to remember that you don’t have to do it all yourself. I know it was that way before, but it’s not that way now. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. And Cade is showing you that he will be there when you’re down. He’ll pick you up. He’ll carry the load, and that, my girl, is one of the greatest treasures you can have in a partner.”
“So I messed up?”
She pulls away, nodding. “You messed up. But it doesn’t have to be forever.”
“I don’t know. I said some awful things.”
“Your dad lost my daughter more than twenty years ago, and he still feels it. Cade only lost you a couple of hours ago, and I bet you with everything in me that he’d do anything to have you back.”
“You think so?”
She nods.
“I wouldn’t know what to say to him.”
“I always find that speaking from the heart is best.” She gives me a small smile, then turns toward the grave marker. “What do you think about our girl, Charlotte? Isn’t she beautiful? And she’s in love.” She places trembling hands over her mouth. “You always wanted her to be loved.”