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My father’s diet came up a lot—the doctor chastised me for giving him food, like I’m the one stuffing it down his throat.
My dad is a bear with the staff. He wants to eat regular foods, but they have him hooked up to an IV.
It was all so overwhelming that I nearly asked Molly to come in with me to deal with it. Dad refuses to listen. At one point, I went to the bathroom to cry because this feels like such a turning point. Or it could be. If Dad would do what they’re telling him to.
“Are you coming to the away game tonight?” West asks.
Cade’s arm squeezes me a little tighter. I hadn’t told him this yet. “Actually…” I peer over at him. “I told Coach about Dad and asked if I could sit this one out.”
“I’m sure he said it was fine,” Kenna jumps in.
“He did. He and Dad used to play football here together.”
“Wait, what?” Cade asks.
“Yeah.”
“What position did he play?” West asks.
“Defense. A tackle or something. Not sure.”
Cade looks off into the distance. He keeps his arm around me, absentmindedly tracing his thumb over my skin. The conversation fades away toward the rest of the table, the music at Richie’s Diner and the rush in my ears drowning it out.
I hate that the words I said to Cade yesterday seem to be hanging between us. I don’t know why I freaked out that badly. Something in my head said that my perfect boyfriend shouldn’t be near my damaged father. Like if Cade found out about him, it would end everything. The old fear of letting someone into my life came roaring to the forefront with a vengeance. Especially when he called me out and said I reminded him of the old me.
I don’t want to be that person with him, but it was scary how quickly it took over me. Almost like I stepped backward into a different person and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Sorry about the game,” I whisper to Cade.
“It’s understandable,” he whispers back, pulling me to him. “I just wish I knew before now.”
He’s quiet after. Usually, Cade is the life at the table. Well, volleying for life at the table because most of the football players have big personalities. But today, he’s sullen. He’s not the happy-go-lucky guy I know. Unease creeps over my skin, wondering if I did this to him.
“It’s the last game before break. You must be so excited to go home.”
“Yeah,” he says. “It should be fun.” He spins the cup of water upright on the table, the ice clinking around in the glass. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me.”
“Cade,” I say in surprise, fear shooting through me like a bolt of lightning. My mouth works, but he keeps looking at me expectantly. “I can’t. I would love to, but I can’t. I don’t know what’s happening with my dad, and I don’t know how he’s going to be. Plus…you know I can’t leave him for long periods of time.”
“But you were talking about doing things differently?”
“He just went in the hospital.”
“Who better to take care of him than professional medical staff?”
“Cade…”
“I thought you’d like to meet my friends and family and have a really good Thanksgiving meal around a bunch of people.”
I force my lips together to try to stop a chuckle from coming out, but it doesn’t work. “You thought I’d love to spend Thanksgiving around a bunch of people, not to mention a bunch of people I don’t know?”
He nods slowly.
I smile, playfully poking him with my elbow. “You’re the one always telling me I’m anti-social.”
“But you haven’t been that way in weeks.”
He’s right. I’ve been making friends. I’m here at Richie’s right now with everyone, but again, something in my mind tells me to put on the brakes. I shake my head. “You’re right, I’ve been doing a lot better because of you, but that doesn’t mean I can leave my dad. Especially not now.”