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“You don’t have to apologize.” I reach over to grab her hand. “I get it.”
With her free hand, she rubs her temples. “My dad needs…care. A lot of it. When you asked me to spend the night, there was nothing more I wanted to do.” She peers up, and the tears return, welling in the corner of her eyes. “I want to be normal. I want to have a boyfriend and sleep over at his house and be carefree and fun.”
“What’s wrong with your dad?” I ask, stomach tightening.
“He needs…assistance. One of the things I do for him is cook his meals, and when I can’t be there, I order food for him. I guess I forgot last night. We were at the restaurant and then together. I was so happy.” The tears spill over now, and part of me fills with anger.
“As soon as you went to bed, it dawned on me. I was scared to check my phone. Scared to go back to reality, Cade. Then when I did, the guilt hit me so fucking hard.”
“Hey, this is your reality,” I tell her, pointing at her, then me. “We’re reality. You and me.”
Her lips straighten into a thin line.
She pulls my hand to her face and kisses my knuckles. “With you, it feels like I’m living in a bubble. Like nothing can touch me. But every time I leave you, I come to this, and it’s like that balloon slowly deflates. Like there’s no oxygen anymore.”
I rub her hand with my thumb, letting her get this out while I try to process everything.
“I want to live in your sun, Cade.” She wipes at her eyes with her free hand. “In your world, I’m dating a superstar football player who makes friends wherever he goes. Who makes me feel like a princess. It’s a fairy tale for me. I feel like Cinderella, but then I come back to my stepmother.”
“That must be hard.” My heart hurts for her. “I’m sorry you’ve had to do that. That’s so much to ask of you while you’re going to school and have a part-time job.”
She blows out a breath. “Before, I had blinders on, but it hurts a little more every day now, knowing what else could be out there for me.”
“Is your dad mad about tonight? Does he know where you were?”
“He’s furious,” she says, peering away. “He thinks I don’t love him—or at least he says so. I’m not sure he actually thinks it, but he likes to guilt me.”
My brows furrow. “That doesn’t sound healthy.”
“Oh, it’s not.” She wipes more tears from her cheeks. “But it is what it is. I’ve been living with it for a long time.”
More puzzle pieces click into place. All the times she seemed so distant. The thick walls she had built around herself, flinging her words like ammunition.
I knew there was something I recognized in her. She was trying to survive.
“This doesn’t change anything for me, Charley. I wish you would’ve felt comfortable enough to tell me before, but I understand you had to do it in your own time. I’m sorry I forced you to do it now, but I want to be here for you. You can lean on me.”
“But you’re always so happy,” she says, a break in her voice. “I never want to bring you down with what I have to deal with.”
“I feel shit, too. We all do. I understand about sadness stealing all the little joys away,” I remind her. “Dump your shit on me. I can take it. I want all of it, every last sordid detail, so I can help mend you together again.”
She reaches up, fingering the necklace I gave her. “At first, hanging out with you felt like living a lie. Smiling when I wanted to cry and trying to be someone I wasn’t, but then it was so muchmore. It’s like I found courage from somewhere within myself. I found me… And I’m scared because I don’t want to do this anymore, Cade.”
Horror washes over me until she clarifies.
“My dad is sick, but I’m not. I can’t be his servant anymore. But do you understand the guilt of finally admitting something like that to yourself? The only member of your family needs you, and you’re done with it. You can’t take it anymore. What am I supposed to do? Let him live alone and die?”
Her shoulders cave, and I pull her to me, kissing her hair and wrapping her tight in my arms, like my skin is a shield made only to protect her. “It’s okay,” I whisper, kissing her hair again.
“I’m a terrible person.”
“You’re the exact opposite, Charley. You’re incredible, and it’s okay. Everything will be fine.”
I rock her, kneading my hand into her back. Slowly but surely, her cries turn to choked sobs, then hard swallows as she attempts to regain her composure. The noose around my heart loosens incrementally.
“Well, now you know my dirty, dark secrets,” she chuckles out in a half sob-half laugh.
“Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn’t have dirty, dark secrets? They clean themselves and shine from the inside while asking for his forgiveness.”