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“I wisnae saying he feared me, as such. But…” He watched me thoughtfully, choosing his words. “You’ve both lost people. You and he… you’re friends. Twas the three of you, and now there are three more strangers in your lives.”

“But you’re helping,” I protested softly.

“Dinnae be so sure that’s enough, Erin. Neither of you’ve had time to grieve, no really. Maybe when you have, he might be more accepting.” He squeezed my hand gently.

I nodded. “Maybe,” I conceded.

We sat in content silence for a few minutes, and I shuffled closer to him on the step, leaning into his shoulder, aware of the solid strength of him even through his shirt.

A shaft of light fell into the hallway, not quite reaching us.

“The sun being up doesn’t bother you?” I asked aloud.

“No. I can sense it – feel I should sleep. It’s a wee bit uncomfortable, that’s all.”

I said nothing, remembering the ornate bed I’d seen before; the linen crumpled and unmade.

“So you don’thaveto sleep?”

“I will, eventually,” he chuckled, turning his face into my hair. “But tis a rare occasion when I find myself alone with ye. I’m rather enjoying it.” His voice dropped lower, regret threading through his words. “The daylight hours – sleepin’ – seems a waste, when I should be with you.”

I nodded my agreement, but there was nothing to be done about it. Sitting with Nicholas was much like falling asleep in the sun and waking to find a cloud passing overhead. My skin grew hotter, being near him – but he cooled me down, perfectly balancing me. It was a wonderful feeling.

I caught myself wondering what it would be like to actually wake beside him each morning. Would his skin be warm from contact with mine through the night? Would those emerald eyes be the first thing I’d see? The mad domesticity of the thought was startling. I could never have that kind of future – no hunter could. Especially not with a vampire.

“When this is all over, we can do this anytime we like…” I whispered, more to myself than anything.It’s better than nothing.

I felt rather than saw Nicholas smile.

???

When I finally got around to leaving the manor, I was calmer than I’d been in a long time. There was no way I was heading straight to Jolt, to work and deal with the noise and the people – I wanted to hold on to my contentment for a while longer. I needed to.

But Nicholas wouldn’t be awake all day, so I decided to do the only other thing I could think of that made me feel calm and content. I’d go back to my hilltop.

Adam lived in the southwest of the city, and my hilltop was further north. It wasn’t a short drive, even with my usual shortcuts – so I figured why not embrace it? And detoured out into the Peaks to take the scenic route.

Despite my improved emotional state, I couldn’t quite shake the sensation of being watched. A flicker in my rearview mirror as I pulled out of the manor’s gravel driveway – gone before I could focus on it – made my shoulders tense, but I pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking instead about Nicholas. About the hollow feeling within that grew with each mile that separated us. It was strange how quickly his absence had become an emptiness I could almost taste. I glanced at the clock, mentally counting down the hours until darkness would fall and I could see him again.

The winter sun was low and bright as I drove through the dales, playing havoc with my vision. Patches of snow clung to the grass where the weak December light hadn’t managed to melt it yet. I squinted against the glare – the sun was too low to block with my visor, leaving me alternating between being half-blind and plunged into shadow as I navigated the winding curves of the hills and valleys.

The roads belonged to me at this hour – I didn’t pass a single car once I turned off onto the less travelled routes. Rolling down the windows for a moment, I let the biting wind whip my hair into my face. The cold felt good, waking me up far more effectively than the coffee had.

I cranked up the volume on my car’s sound system as the country lane I was on narrowed dramatically. The bare trees pressed in on both sides, making it impossible to see the stream I knew was somewhere in the steep valley below. I caught the scent of something off – sharper than normal exhaust fumes, with an edge that made my throat feel tight. I quickly rolled the windows back up, but it didn’t help.

As I drove out of the tree cover, the sun hit me full in the face, making my growing headache spike. Something wasn’t right. My hands felt heavy on the steering wheel, my vision contracting with each flash of sunlight.

I reached for my sunglasses in the glove box, my hand clumsy and uncoordinated. I must have taken my eyes off the road for a split second. After that, I remembered nothing.

24: Turn Thee Erin, Look Upon Thy Death

The first sensation that came back to me was the cold. A bone-deep, penetrating cold that made thinking impossible. My fingers and toes were like ice and refused to respond when I moved them. Opening my eyes made almost no difference to my vision – the night was pitch dark except for occasional pinpricks of starlight that swam in and out of focus. I could hear water moving nearby and judging by my wet clothes and the biting wind, I was still out in the Peaks – how long had I been here? The gnawing emptiness in my memory was almost as terrible as the cold. I waited for a moment, hoping my eyes would adjust before I clawed my way upright.

When I tried to stand, the world tilted violently. I fell forward with a splash, my hands plunging into icy water as bile rose in my throat. My head throbbed, each pulse sending waves of nausea through me. I struggled to think straight, but I could at least tell that I didn’t seem to be too badly injured. Given theblood above my eye, I seemed to have reopened the cut on my head. Probably on the steering wheel as I swerved the car. So much for the airbag.

I peered around, trying to get my bearings. How was it so late and so dark? Where had the day gone? A fleeting thought of Nicholas crossed my mind – it was well past sunset, he’d be awake. Would he have noticed I was missing? The thought of him searching for me was strangely comforting, but the ache of his absence felt sharper in the bitter cold.

The stream gurgled beneath me, its cold seeping through my sodden clothes and boots. A few metres uphill was the bridge I’d seen as I came down into the valley. But how had I ended up in the water? A snowflake landed on my cheek, then another, the gentle touch almost burning against my frozen skin.