Page 40

His smile was rueful as he answered. “I was naïve, Erin. I wanted glory. To be remembered in history as a warrior – after all, those were the stories I’d heard as a child.

“I suppose I found a wee bit o’ notoriety, after all. As a vampire, my deeds grew more vicious… and my reputation grew, too. Twas a long time before I kent I wanted more. I was no hero of legend – and there was no honour left in me.” His face grew dark again, and he broke his gaze away.

The wind howled a mournful tune around us, buffeting the dry snow up from the ground – but around us was a pocket of calm and stillness. He spoke of atrocities committed by and against him with unnerving ease, but I couldn’t find the fear or the fire to fight him. I’d come here to lure him out – and now I had, I was more confused than ever.

As I reached to slip a loose curl of hair back into my hat, his fingertips brushed mine, and for a moment I forgot how to breathe. He gently brought my hand back to my lap, and I was struck by how artfully he moved, even in such a simple gesture. His breath was almost warm on my skin as he leaned in close, tucking another strand of hair from my face.

“I was told you liked red hair, once upon a time,” I said, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. Pain flashed across his face.

“Izzie told ye?”

“Not in so many words,” I admitted.

His expression grew serious – almost imploring. “I’ve been searchin’ for you for a verra long time, Erin. So long, I almost believed you didnae exist after all.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a devastating half-smile. “When I saw you in the park that night, there was nae doubt about it. Even covered in dust and swearin’ like a sailor, you were unmistakable.”

His body was still close, near enough I should be able to feel the heat of him, if he’d been anyone else. His touch rough, he traced his fingers along the back of my bare hand. So close, I could smell his skin – like the outdoors. Soft earth and pine.

“The women that looked like me—” I whispered. I couldn’t forget what he’d done, but I didn’t pull away.

“Were no you,” he replied simply.

Nicholas’s face drew closer to mine, and I found myself leaning in despite myself. His cool breath caressed my cheek as we lingered there, suspended in the moment. A shiver of pleasure ran through me, our eyes locked as I imagined reaching up to touch the soft hair at the back of his neck. Letting this – whatever this was – happen.

I caught myself.No.

His arm moved as if to circle my waist, but instead his fingers brushed the fabric of my coat. Even that small whisper of contact was enough to make me feel far more than I wanted to, and I pressed my eyes closed, trying to dispel the feeling.

In that fleeting moment of darkness, his lips brushed mine – the barest ghost of a kiss – and I felt rather than heard him exhale sharply. I pressed a hand against his chest, placing my palm on the heavy wool between his heart and mine, though whether I planned to push him away or pull him closer, I wasn’t sure.

To my surprise, there was a faint thump beneath my hand as his heart beat once beneath my fingers. He stilled and drew back, sooty lashes lowered, searching my face with an intensity that made heat pool low in my belly.

“Nicholas—” I breathed, my head swimming, but he pulled away further, shaking his head as he stood with the casual swiftness of a vampire.

I turned to see what had distracted him, but a breeze caughtmy hair, whipping it across my face. When my vision cleared, I was alone again in the snow. A single set of footprints led from the road, and he was gone.

11: Surprise, Regret & Something Stronger

Unsurprisingly, it had escaped my notice that the snow was falling in earnest again, cloaking my view of the city and the dam. Thick wet flakes settled on my coat and in my hair, creating a haze in the sky that left me cold and isolated. My fingers were growing more numb by the second, but I was still too dumbstruck to move.

What the hell wasthat, Erin? Did that actually happen?

I stared across the valley without seeing it, replaying the last few minutes over and over again. It didn’t really matter how I looked at it, I still didn’t know what to feel. My emotions slipped and shifted, alternating between horror at what had almost happened, and confusion about why. And if I was entirely honest, part of me was a little bit thrilled and felt wholly guilty about that.

Why hadn’t I stopped it? Was I being a complete fool or had my connection with him been… well, real? I mean, fuck. It had felt real. My skin was still tingling with electricity. And there’d been a definite, blazing spark before – I just hadn’t known who I was dealing with.

I tugged off my hat and ran both hands through my hair, pulling the damp strands away from my scalp. What was wrong with me?Nicholas Murrayhad been right there – within reach – and I’d done nothing. Okay, not nothing. But what was the point in my plan to lure him out, if I couldn’t follow through with the kill? And yeah, hindsight had a lot to say. He was older and stronger, I’d needed to get the full story from him… blah blah blah. Every reason I came up with was another excuse.

The fact was, deep down I’d forgotten, temporarily, that he was one ofthem. And my entire life, that had been enough to go in swinging. Just not this time.

I rose and began pacing back and forth. My feet were still warm and dry in my Doc Martens, and I kicked up the snow as I marched, my tracks quickly filling behind me.

What the fuck, Erin. What the actual fuck.

He was a vampire. Three or four centuries older than me at least. And I’d let that happen, there was no denying it. I had pulled right into his body, held myself against him, breathed in that ridiculously alluring scent… I shivered, but I knew it wasn’t from the cold.

I mean, he didn’t seem to want to hurt me. There was no threat there at all, actually – in anything he’d said or done. And no fear either – I wasn’t afraid of him in the slightest, beyond the theoretical idea of his past. So yes, my head didn’t trust him. But my heart inexplicably did. The thing was, without that fear behind the steering wheel, I had no idea how I was supposed todo what had to be done. The idea brought me to a standstill.

I let out a long groan, and watched as my breath condensed in the frigid air, disappearing as quickly as it appeared. The soft hush of the snow only amplified the feeling that the answers I needed weren’t here. I just wasn’t sure where I’d find them.