Page 79

“There, there—hush …”

CHAPTER 74

“Hannah, can you hear me?” The voice came from very far away. So far away it sounded like an echo.

I don’t know where I am.

“If you can hear me, move your right hand.”

I can’t move my hand. I can’t open my eyes.

“We want to give you something to calm you down.”

The voice was floating in the air somewhere. Maybe it came from a bird in the rafters. Maybe it came from the walls. Maybe it came from inside my head.

“You’re safe. The doctor is here.”

Is the doctor a dream? A delusion?

There’s only darkness.

“Poor thing, you’re shivering.”

There’s a weight pressing down on me.

“This will help.”

A blanket, just a blanket.

“You’ll feel better soon, Hannah.”

If I could’ve laughed, I would’ve.

I might be crazy, but I know a lie when I hear one.

CHAPTER 75

Jordan sits in the Columbia cafeteria, eating a soggy grain bowl topped with a rubbery fried egg. In front of him is a large black binder that he carries with him all the time these days.HD, it says in tiny letters on the spine, and inside the binder is everything he knows about Hannah Doe. He flips it open.

She doesn’t know anything about this.The voice of Jordan’s conscience is quiet but insistent.You say you want to help her, but you’re really just helping yourself.

The rational part of him understands that the situation is more complicated than that. He’s desperately trying to find out what happened to Hannah before she came to Belman. He’s certain it will help her. Then, if she can get out, maybe she’ll be able tostayout. But the voice doesn’t go away.

She doesn’t have any idea what you’re doing.

There it is: his weak spot. The one sentence he can’t argue with.

You’re using her.

He glances down. The first page lists all the medications Hannah has taken at one point or another, sometimes multiple at once:

Wellbutrin SR 100 mg PO

Geodon 200 mg PO QHS

Trazodone 150 mg PO QHS

Risperdal 2 mg BID