Page 101
Story: The Elf Beside Himself
“I’m talking to you,” I mumbled, although I knew damn well that wasn’t what he meant.
“And I’m glad you do,” he replied, his lips moving against one vertebra. “But I’m not a psychiatrist.”
“I don’t—I don’t like talking to people,” I grumbled, knowing how childish that sounded.
“You talk to me.”
“You’re notpeople,” I retorted. “You’re you.”
“And I’m not people?” His tone was almost teasing.
I rolled over, and he shifted to make space so that I could curl around him, resting my forehead against his. “You’re better than people.”
He huffed a soft laugh. “Thank you, I think.” He’d switched which hand was brushing through my hair, the other resting against my chest. I slid my hand around the back of his skull, holding his forehead to mine. I felt him sigh, the brush of his breath on my cheek. “Val, I’m worried about you.”
A tear slid its way down my nose. “Me, too. But when this is over—”
“It won’t be. Not for you,” he murmured, and I could hear the sadness in his voice. “Even when you solve this case—” I appreciated that he thought I was going to be able to do that. “—and we go back home, it isn’t going to be over. Because it will come back. Maybe in a month, maybe in a year, but it will if you don’t get help.”
I swallowed around the thickness in my throat.
He wasn’t wrong. I knew that.
“Why does that scare you so much?” he asked, and now I could hear something else along with the sadness, and I was afraid of what it was.
“I—don’t have a good track record with—well, with fucking anything,” I said, my voice rough.
“Have you tried talking to someone about this?”
I shook my head.
“About anything?”
Another head-shake.
He sighed again. “Will you, for me?”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then it doesn’t work, and we try something else. But I think it will help, at least. If you actually try.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered, bracing myself.
But all he said, in a tone that damn near broke my heart, was “Okay.”
“Taavi—”
He pushed back far enough that he could see my face, the hand in my hair cupping my jaw. “Val, I love you. You know that.”
I nodded.
“Do you really think that I’d stop loving you because you aren’t ready to talk to someone about your nightmares?”
I felt a few more tears chase their way across the bridge of my nose. I couldn’t talk, so I shrugged.
Taavi frowned. “Valentine Hart, do you even know what the words ‘I love you’ mean?”
I blinked, startled. “Y-yes.”
“And I’m glad you do,” he replied, his lips moving against one vertebra. “But I’m not a psychiatrist.”
“I don’t—I don’t like talking to people,” I grumbled, knowing how childish that sounded.
“You talk to me.”
“You’re notpeople,” I retorted. “You’re you.”
“And I’m not people?” His tone was almost teasing.
I rolled over, and he shifted to make space so that I could curl around him, resting my forehead against his. “You’re better than people.”
He huffed a soft laugh. “Thank you, I think.” He’d switched which hand was brushing through my hair, the other resting against my chest. I slid my hand around the back of his skull, holding his forehead to mine. I felt him sigh, the brush of his breath on my cheek. “Val, I’m worried about you.”
A tear slid its way down my nose. “Me, too. But when this is over—”
“It won’t be. Not for you,” he murmured, and I could hear the sadness in his voice. “Even when you solve this case—” I appreciated that he thought I was going to be able to do that. “—and we go back home, it isn’t going to be over. Because it will come back. Maybe in a month, maybe in a year, but it will if you don’t get help.”
I swallowed around the thickness in my throat.
He wasn’t wrong. I knew that.
“Why does that scare you so much?” he asked, and now I could hear something else along with the sadness, and I was afraid of what it was.
“I—don’t have a good track record with—well, with fucking anything,” I said, my voice rough.
“Have you tried talking to someone about this?”
I shook my head.
“About anything?”
Another head-shake.
He sighed again. “Will you, for me?”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then it doesn’t work, and we try something else. But I think it will help, at least. If you actually try.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered, bracing myself.
But all he said, in a tone that damn near broke my heart, was “Okay.”
“Taavi—”
He pushed back far enough that he could see my face, the hand in my hair cupping my jaw. “Val, I love you. You know that.”
I nodded.
“Do you really think that I’d stop loving you because you aren’t ready to talk to someone about your nightmares?”
I felt a few more tears chase their way across the bridge of my nose. I couldn’t talk, so I shrugged.
Taavi frowned. “Valentine Hart, do you even know what the words ‘I love you’ mean?”
I blinked, startled. “Y-yes.”
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