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chapter twenty-nine

“Rejection is like being offered warm peas as a way to bring the swelling down after getting kicked in the balls. So, what do you do when you get handed said vegetable, and you feel your balls hiking back up into your body? You get pissed at the pain and, eventually, it goes away. Come on, there is no easy answer to pain except to fight through it and know one day, it’s going to be gone.”

~From Max Emory’s Guide to Dating and Other Important Life Lessons

Jason

I grabbed a six-pack of beer — not one of my finer moments since it was eleven in the morning — then trekked across the football field and sat in the end zone. I could almost feel the heat of the lights, the cheers from the crowd. I’d loved playing football.

I’d loved her more.

Everything I’d done had been for her. Had it mattered? Had I?

I was on my second bottle when Max’s car pulled up. Reid, Colt, and the devil himself, piled out in silence then joined me on the grass. They passed around a flask, and then Max handed me a sub sandwich, as if that would make it all better. He was like the Italian who solved everything with food.

When I didn’t grab it, he took it back, unwrapped it then held it to my closed lips. “Eat, eat,” he urged.

“Soak up the alcohol, big guy.” Colt slapped me on the back. “One bite, and then you can have this.” He dangled the flask in front of me.

I took one large bite and washed it down with the worst tasting whiskey God ever created. “What the hell was that?”

“Max’s creation.” Reid shuddered. “I grew two hairs on my chest last time I drank this shit.”

Max rolled his eyes. “He exaggerates. Hairless cat, that one.”

Reid flipped him off.

“It seems like just yesterday....” Colt leaned back on his elbows, apparently reminiscing. “When the hell did we get so old?” He pointed to the stands. “Maddy used to make the largest signs with glitter, scream her head off, and lose her voice over your stupid throws on the field, remember?”

How could I forget?

My eyes had searched for her every time I ran out.

I still blame the State loss on her getting the flu and not being able to make it. I’d been in such a weird funk that I’d thrown three interceptions and had been sacked five times. It had hurt like hell, until I saw her concerned face, and her lips had made me forget all about the pain. She’d been everything.

“Yeah,” I croaked out, reaching for the flask again. The sweet burn was doing nothing for my current mood; if anything, it just made everything seem darker.

What the hell had I been thinking?

Being with Maddy again hadn’t brought closure. It just made me question every moment we’d had together and wonder why it had been real for me, when it hadn’t been for her.

“She loves you,” Colt said in a quiet voice. “I know she does.”

“That’s the thing about love. I could have sworn it was being reciprocated all those years ago, and here it is again, begging me to believe in it, when all I want to do is shut down.”

“Look at it this way,” Max piped up, “if you don’t forgive her, if you don’t chase her this time, some bastard’s going to scoop her up, and then where will you be? I’ll tell you. Bitter, alone, and eventually dead, with a donut sticking out of your mouth. Your gravestone will say, ‘Here lies Jason Caro, struck by lightning but ended by frosting.’ It’s sad, man. So sad.”

Reid punched him in the shoulder, but Max apparently wasn’t fazed; he kept staring me down with that intense look he got when he was being serious, and for some reason, if this was causing Max to be serious, it forced me to want to believe him, to listen.

“Your call,” Max said. “But if I were you, I’d sweep right into that reunion barbecue tonight, kiss her on the lips, and then take her into the tree house.” He waggled his brows. “How many times did you do the deed in there anyway?”

“How do you even know about the tree house?” I wondered aloud.

“Milo threatened Maddy with it, then Maddy threatened her back. It was like a really hot chick-fight with no punches thrown, just words,” Max’s eyes glazed over. “But words… sometimes those are so much hotter.”

I handed him the flask.

“Ask yourself what you want, Jason,” Reid joined in. “Do you want her? It’s a simple answer. Stop thinking about all that other bullshit and answer, yes or no.”