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I was me (and it was actually a shock it took as long as it did to happen, but I managed to hold it together), and it wasn’t until Javi closed his door after helping me in, then angling into the truck himself, before I lost it and burst into tears.
Javi pulled me across the console and into his lap to hold me while I did it.
“I-I’m s-sorry!” I blubbered. “This isn’t about m-me.”
“It’s rough, baby,” he murmured. “Especially at first. But you get used to it.”
I didn’t want to get used to it.
I wanted a miracle to happen and for Javi’s mom to be a mom to Javi and a woman in her own right, living her life to its fullest.
But that was a miracle that would never happen.
I nodded, sniffled and pulled myself together.
Once I accomplished this, I said, “She’s really beautiful.”
His smile was soft. “Yeah, she is.”
“And she seems peaceful,” I noted.
“That’s how you learn to get used to it,” he explained.
With all he’d said about their lives on the street, I knew that was all he wanted for her. Therefore, I could rest in the knowledge he finally had that, and so did she, and maybe I wouldn’t be such a crybaby the next time we came to see her (by the by, Javi drove up pretty often, and I vowed right then and there, sitting in his lap, he’d never do it alone again—and he didn’t).
“Wait for me here,” he said. “Just gotta do something real quick.”
I nodded again.
He put me back in my seat, got out and jogged back into the hospital.
He wasn’t gone for long.
He set us on our way, saying, “We’ll hit a drive-thru on the way home for dinner.”
Flagstaff wasn’t a million miles away, only a two-and-a-half-hour drive. But going there and back in one day was a lot.
Even with that, I could see why he wouldn’t want to hang around Flag for a sit-down dinner just to experience the cool vibe of the town, and instead, get out of there and head home. And I was oh-so-totally leaning into that play.
I suggested Freddy’s, which was neck and neck with Culver’s for me—they both had frozen custard, but Freddy’s had better fries (shoestring!), and Culver’s had cheese curds (you could see why it was a tossup).
Then I asked, “What did you go back in for? Did you forget something?”
Javi didn’t immediately answer.
I took this for the sign it was and turned to him, concerned.
“Javi?”
“I asked if Ma had more visitors.”
Oh dear.
“Does she?” I whispered.
“Atherton comes up every two weeks.”
Oh God.