Page 24

FOURTEEN
Patrick
Turns out, C standsfor cafeteria.
Declan buys a couple of coffees while I snag a table. It’s after noon on a Thursday, and the place is in a lull. It’s empty and quiet, save for a few doctors and nurses, speed-shoveling food into their mouths, trying to ingest as much fuel as possible before their break is up.
“Okay,” I say as soon as Declan sets a large cup in front of me before dumping a pile of sugar packets and powdered creamer on the table between us. “Start dancing.”
Declan sets his phone on the table and takes the seat across from me, reaching out a massive hand to drag a good portion of the sugar and creamer in front of him. “You agreed to give Con a chance to work,” he says in a conversational tone while shaking a stack of sugar packets before ripping them open.
“I did,” I say, giving the coffee in front of me a testing sip before pushing it away. It might smell like coffee, but it tastes like shit. “It didn’t work out.”
“So now you’re going to throw everything away,” Declan says, lifting his cup to take a drink. “How does that help anyone?”
“It doesn’t,” I tell him. “I’m tired of doing the right thing. The thing everyone expects me to do. I’ve done it my whole life, and it’s gotten me nothing. Nowhere.”
“Really?” Declan set his cup down. “Because from where I’m sitting it’s gotten you everything.”
He’s talking about the inheritance. The money his father gave me. “Do you want it?” I shoot back. “Because I don’t. I’ll give it to you right fucking now. You can have it.”
“Yeah—I want it.” He nods his head, tipping his cup toward him so he can stare into it. “I want it. But I don’t deserve it.” He sets his cup flat and looks at me. “You want to know what Tess did to make me leave her?”
My heart does a double thump in my chest. “Yes,” I say, because maybe if Declan tells me what Tess did, I’ll be able to figure out where I went wrong with Cari.
“Nothing. Not a goddamn thing.”
I watch him for a second, waiting for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, I spoke. “So, you tore out her heart and shit on it for sport?”
“That’s a bit over the top don’t you think?” Declan counters, still not one-hundred percent willing to acknowledge the damage he did.
I think about that summer. The mess he made of her. How hurt Tess was. How confused. Declan wasn’t there. He didn’t see it. He didn’t care enough to look. “No, I really don’t.”
“I did what I thought was best for her.” He sighs, shaking his head. “At least that’s what I told myself. The truth is, I left her because I loved her too much.”
“In what fucked-up world does that even make any sense?” I say, but something about his admission hooks me. Makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“She was too good for me.” He says it quietly, brow furrowed, eyes glued to the table between us. “As soon as she figured that out, she was going to leave me.”
“So, you left her first.”
“I couldn’t…” He shrugs, sitting back, finally raising his gaze to meet mine. “I couldn’t live knowing that. Waiting for her to leave me behind. Not knowing when it would happen—just that it would, eventually.” He smirks, but the expression is cold. Void of humor. “I’m not sure if you know this about me but, I have control issues.”
“You know Con planted those underwear to fuck with you, right? The washer at the garage was broken, and she needed to wash a load—that’s it. That’s all that happened,” I say, throwing him a bone because I suddenly feel sorry for him. “Con needs Tess too much to pull his usual fuck-and-run on her, and he loves you too much to try.”
“Yeah,” he says, shaking his head. “But he doesn’t love me enough to forgive me for what I did.”
“You hurt Tess,” I remind him. “The only reason you’re still walking upright and eating solid food is because he does love you.”
He doesn’t have a comeback for that one. Probably because he knows I’m right.
“Do you love Jessica?” It’s none of my business, but I want to know. I have to know that the pain he caused Tess was worth it. That he learned something. That at least one of them was able to move on and be happy.
He looks away from me, his jaw set. “I deserve Jessica.”
Before I can tell him what a fucking idiot he is, that he isn’t the one who gets to decide what he does or doesn’t deserve, his phone rattled on the table between us. It reminds me that I left my own at home.
Dec picks up his phone and swipes his thumb across the screen. What he sees causes his face to fall into a frown.
“What is it?”
Declan sighs, leaning to the side so he can shove his phone into his pocket. “That was Con,” he says, sliding out of his seat. “Sara’s dad is at the bar. He’s looking for you and Cari.”