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You happened to me. And then you left.
“Con told you, didn’t he?” Tess says, hands shoved into the pockets of her overalls.
“Told me what?” I say carefully, treading lightly. She and Con are barely hanging on right now and I have no intention of being the reason they fall apart.
“About the baby.” She looks at me, shaking her head when I open my mouth to make excuses for him. “It’s okay,” she says. “I can tell—people always look at you different when they know.”
“I’m sorry, Tess.” I stop walking and reach out to put a hand on her arm. “And please, please don’t be mad at Con. He—” I don’t know how to explain what I saw the other night. The way he looked when he told me.
“Mad?” She gives me a wobbly smile and shakes her head. “I’m not mad. I should’ve told you.” She reaches up to squeeze her hand around my wrist. “I’m sorry I didn’t.”
I shake my head. “I was such an asshole yesterday. Running my mouth about Grace and Molly—”
“He doesn’t know. About any of it,” Tess says. “Declan—he doesn’t know about the baby or that I lost it.”
I feel my hand go loose on her arm a second before it falls away completely.
“I couldn’t tell him,” she says, offering me an explanation before I have a chance to ask for one. “He’d just broken things off and I—”
I understood.
“You didn’t want that to be the reason he stayed,” I say and she nods her head.
“Actually, I’m surprised Con’s been able to keep his mouth shut this long,” she tells me, turning away from me to start walking again. “He’s always been his brother’s keeper which means he never misses an opportunity to call him out on his bullshit.”
I think about the Conner I know—careless, bordering on irresponsible. His life a seemingly endless parade of women and parties. It doesn’t match up to what the picture Tess is painting me now. Before I can ask, Tess smiles. “Let’s talk about something else,” she says. “How did your dinner go last night?”
I tell her what happened. The suit and the car. How badly it went. How quickly it all went south. “I don’t know, Tess…” I tilt my head, shooting her a quick look to gage her reaction to what I told her. “Con’s right—Patrick’s different. The suit and the car. The fancy restaurants and magazine photoshoots. He—”
“Reminded you of James.”
She doesn’t look at me when she says it but it doesn’t matter. The truth of what she just said hits me hard. So hard, that for a moment, I can’t breathe.
“You’re both different, you know?” She keeps talking, like she has no idea she just sucker-punched me. “The girl you were before you left would’ve swooned at the thought of her guy dropping that kind of money on her paintings.”
“There was yelling and screaming and a lot of swearing—mostly by me.” I shake my head. “But no swooning.”
“He didn’t buy those painting to save you,” Tess says. “He bought them for himself. Because deep down, he wasn’t sure you were coming back and buying those paintings was the only way he could keep you—even a part of you.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Besides, he would’ve dropped some serious dough at that benefit, either way.”
“Huh?”
“The benefit. It was for Sojourn Center—our friend Ryan is a resident.”
Ryan. The Army Ranger. The friend I’ve never met.
“He’s home?”
“For a while now. He stepped on an IED.” Tess goes a little pale. “He won’t talk about it—keeping him together has fallen to Patrick these days. Everything has.”
Why wouldn’t Patrick tell me?
Why would he?
I haven’t really painted myself as the picture of reliability over the past year. I feel my shoulder slump. “I’ve made a huge mess.”
“Yeah, you have… but you had help.” Tess offers me a commiserating half-smile. “Are you sorry?”
I nod my answer, not sure I trust my voice.
She shrugs. “Then apologize.”
I think of the way Patrick looked at me when he left. What he said. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” I know I’m not ready. I can’t face him yet. Not without making things worse.
“Then start small.” She laughs and shakes her head. “You can borrow my car.”