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They ate with me and talked about this and that and all kinds of silly things to keep me distracted.

An hour later, I was able to choke down some pancakes and bacon and gulp a glass of water. I took a long shower and washed my hair before drying and styling it and putting on the outfit that I’d picked out last night. The dress was cute and flowy, with a pattern of geometric bumble bees on it and my brown sandals that were worn in to perfectly shape my feet.

I had my bathing suit in case I got really wild and wanted to jump in the pool and put my hair up in a high pony with a few pieces curling in front. All I needed were my prescription sunglasses and I was set for the afternoon.

My hands shook a little as I tried to put my earrings in my ears and I had to brace my hands on the dresser and take a break.

I was determined not to back down from this challenge. Things like this party would only get easier the more I did them. It was like lifting weights.

“You’ve got this,” I told myself in the mirror over my dresser. “You’ve got this.”

I grabbed my bag and headed down the stairs.

“I’m heading out,” I called.

“Have a good time! Call us if you need anything,” Mama called from the kitchen. She and Mom were defrosting the freezer and weeding through the pantry. I wasn’t going to miss having to help.

“Love you,” I said, blowing them a kiss before heading out to my car.

Hot and cold waves passed through my body as I turned my car on and pulled onto the road.

Mark’s house was in a more secluded area, but it was still only a few minutes from my parent’s house. I put on my turn signal for the road and then just…kept driving. The ride hadn’t been long enough. I needed more prep time, so I drove a little bit longer and then turned around and went back.

This time, I joined the other cars that were already parked. I was still pretty early, which often happened when I was anxious.

I deep breathed for a few seconds before getting out and heading toward the music and sounds of voices in the back of the large home. I’d seen pictures of the place on Layne’s social media account, but the reality of the house was far more grand.

There was an assortment of adults all hanging in and around the pool, but I recognized Layne and Honor right away, along with Joy and her girlfriend, Ezra.

My entire body was vibrating as I carefully walked toward them, hoping I didn’t trip, and wishing that no one would even look in my direction.

“Hey, I’m so glad you made it,” Layne said, giving me a bright smile. “Did you want a drink or something?”

“Water?” I choked out.

“Sure, do you want ice?”

I nodded.

“Be right back,” she said, squeezing my arm.

“I am obsessed with this dress,” Joy said, sipping a bright pink drink through her straw.

“Thanks,” I said, swirling the skirt. “Part of the proceeds go to help save the bees.”

There, that was a perfectly normal thing to say. I was killing this so far.

“You’re going to have to send me a link. I definitely need that,” Joy said. “Don’t you think I need that?”

“Definitely,” Ezra said with a laugh.

“They sell skirts too,” I added as Layne came back with my water.

“I decided to make it festive,” she said, pointing to the umbrella and the neon yellow straw.

“Thank you,” I said, slowly sipping on the water so I didn’t choke and looking around to see if I could find a corner to hide in.

“I wish Syd was here, but I’m glad she’s taking a vacation,” Layne said.