Page 50 of Storm in a D Cup

The doctor called at three in the afternoon. I grabbed the phone as if my life depended on it. Because, who were we actually trying to kid here, itdid.

‘Dottoressa Bardotti…?’

‘Erica, hello. I’m so sorry. This cycle wasn’t successful.’

My eyes darted to Julian’s face. There was acute hope in it even if he tried to conceal it. He would be gutted now. Me, I was past hoping anymore.

‘OK, I understand. Thank you for calling.’

I rang off and turned to face him. He took one look at me and folded me in his arms.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I wept, hanging on to his shoulder blades. ‘It’s not working.’

‘Shh… it’s OK, sweetie.’

‘But it’s not OK,’ I argued. ‘I know you really want a baby.’

The reality finally hit him, and to his credit, he shook his head. ‘I want you. Now dry your eyes and let’s go for a nice drive. How about a hot air balloon ride?’

‘Really?’ I said, swiping my eyes. ‘You’re not disappointed?’

‘Naw. It’ll be fine. Now go and put on your sneakers.’

I caressed his cheeks and kissed him, pulling him to me. ‘Don’t tell anyone, but you’re the best husband a gal could have.’

‘I know,’ he said with a grin.

He held me close for a long time and kissed the top of my head. ‘Shall we give it another try?’

My eyes swung to his gratefully and I nodded.

He smiled. ‘Get an appointment for before I go.’

And so on Monday morning after a quick ‘deposit’ at the fertility clinic I drove him to the airport.

‘I hate to leave you now of all moments,’ Julian whispered, his fingers playing with the strings on my hoodie (I was hitting the gym more and more lately and Gabriele was very proud of me).

‘It’s important to pursue your dreams, Julian.’If the outcome depends on you, I mentally added. Getting pregnant was out of my control. This part, the waiting, was the worst and, deep down, I really needed him there with me. But I had to put on a brave face.

‘Go. I’ll keep you posted.’

‘I’ll call you the minute I land,’ Julian promised as he planted a tender kiss on my lips, but his right leg was already out of the car. He couldn’t wait to go. That was the truth. Couldn’t wait to get back to his other life.

I pulled him back and he turned in surprise as I kissed him hard, almost hurting my own mouth. ‘Come back home to your woman soon, Fox.’Validation. Letting him know how much you love him.

Julian’s lips turned into a smile, which he planted against my lips again, returning my kiss like he hadn’t in a long time. He may have been leaving for now, but judging by that kiss, I’d say he was back for good.

‘Hey, I’ll be back before you know it,’ he said, drying my tears with his lips and nudging my nose as he used to. ‘I’ll miss you, sweetie…’

I looked up and smiled. I must have been a mess. I’d started wearing make-up again (which Maddy didn’t even notice because she pretty much avoided me like the plague) and I could feel my mascara running down my face. So much for glamour.

‘Just go, OK? I don’t want you to miss your plane.’

He held me in silence for a long moment, until his embrace became stronger, tighter and he bent to kiss my mouth.

*

With Julian gone during the few days of my next blue window, I decided to not concentrate on what I didn’t have, but what I could lose if we didn’t reconnect pronto – our relationship. And so I began preparing Renata’s Improve Your Relationship strategy.