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“What’s going on in that head of yours, Zach?”she asked softly.
He slid his hand from her nape to her jaw and down to her plump lips.“I’m thinking, ‘If only I’d met you then, instead of…’” He stopped himself for the futile wish, even as another jab kicked his heart into his gut again.
What sort of bastard was he, wishing a woman out of existence, whose life he’d messed up and ended?“God, you must think I’m a fucking A-hole by now.”
She gave a soft gasp.“No.We all wish things to be different in hindsight.I wish I’d fought harder when I was being held under water and I thought I was about to die.I wish I’d told my parents what a fucked-up individual he really was.I wish I’d confronted Chris about my suspicions that he was cheating, long before he pulled the rug from underneath me.It’s natural to want a different outcome after the fact.The best we can do is to make life the way we want it right now.”
“You’re fucking incredible, you know that?”
“I know.”
A laugh jerked out of his constricted chest.She leaned forward and offered her mouth, and greedy bastard that he was, he took it, groaning at the goodness and pleasure that just kissing her brought him.He cursed under his breath when she started to pull away before he’d had nearly enough.
“Tell me the rest.”
Tension whipped up a storm inside him.“The cycle continued.She would get clean for a while, then relapse.The month before grad school ended, I’d almost gotten the first Indigo Lounge blueprint finished.She was excited by the concept, even helped with some great ideas about the whole thing.”
He felt Bethany begin to tense beneath his touch, and he silently cursed.He knew he would be climbing the walls by now if it was her telling him about an ex.
Sliding a hand under her thighs, he picked her up and repositioned her in his lap.He trapped her to him with a hand on her hip and felt her relax a little into him.
Breathing easier, he forced himself to continue.“A couple of weeks before the maiden Indigo Lounge flight, her family started pressuring her to return home.”
“She didn’t want to return, of course,” Bethany stated.
He glanced at her.There was nothing but simple understanding in her eyes, as if she knew exactly what had motivated Farrah.“She was in love with you.”
Pain seared his chest and burned from the inside out as he recalled just how messed up things had been back then.“I guess you could call it that.”
Bethany’s gaze dropped, and her breath shuddered out.His hand tightened on her hip, desperate to hang on to the connection he felt when he looked into her eyes.“Baby?”
“It’s okay,” she muttered.Her eyelashes fluttered before she glanced back at him.“I’m okay.So you felt the same way about her, I guess?”
“I liked her.I enjoyed her company… when she was sober.”
Her beautiful mouth compressed.“Don’t trivialize your feelings for my sake, Zach.”
“I… Fine, I was into her.She was smart and funny when she wasn’t using.When she was using… it was a different story.”
“But the sex was great.Right?”she whispered.
He held his tongue and forced himself to just breathe.
She slowly stiffened, and he felt her withdrawing from him.His fingers dug into her hip, and he cursed.
“Fuck, Bethany.Don’t you dare compare yourself to her.Because she would lose.Every time.But I told you I would never lie to you.I like sex.You know that.And yes, we were compatible in the sack.”He released her hip and gripped her chin.When she raised her gaze, her eyes shimmered with pain.“But nothing comes close to what you do to me.No one has ever made me feel what you do, and no one else will.Believe that or I will be forced to prove it to you.”
When her eyes raked his face and paused at his mouth, he forced himself not to abandon this insane confession and just rip their clothes off and make good on his threat.
“Tell me you believe me.”
“I believe you.”
Relief poured through him.Her body gradually relaxed against his, her soft curves settling into his harder ones.She still wore the sexy, floaty number she’d worn to dinner, and he gave in to the need to lift her hem and slide his hand between her warm thighs.
Her breath hitched beautifully, and her eyelids fluttered again.“Zach…”
“It’s okay.We’re not straying off subject.Not yet anyway.But I get to exercise my right to touch you.”