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For several minutes he couldn’t speak.“No,” he finally admitted.
“But she’s the reason you’ve closed yourself off, isn’t she?”
“I’ve had to.I can’t risk putting anyone else through that.Her family are still grieving over what I did, Bethany.What I can never undo.”
She leaned back and looked at him.“So you’re going to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself, paying the price by never risking happiness?”
“I don’t deserve to be happy.”
Pain clouded her eyes.“Then what am I doing here?”
The bottom fell out of his world.Numbly, he shook his head.“I… don’t deserve it.That doesn’t mean I don’t crave it.”
She pulled back another inch.“So you want me to do all the work while you hide behind whatever guilt is consuming you?”Her voice shamed him.Completely and utterly.But still he held on.Letting go was not an option.
“I’m trying.I’m willing to work for it.Work for you.You told me you loved me in Morocco.I want to deserve that love.”Desperation clawed through him when her expression didn’t change.“Tell me you love me, Bethany.”
Her eyes darkened, and she sucked in a breath.“I… can’t.”
Pain seared deeper.The earth shifted beneath his feet as pure terror took hold.“Why the hell not?You said it once, I don’t think you can take it back.”
“I think you were right.I said it too early.You didn’t want to hear it then, remember?”
“I want to hear it now!Have you changed your mind?Is that it?You’ve caught a glimpse of the monster underneath and you’re beating a hasty retreat?”
She jerked out of his arms.“Shut up, Zach.Once again, you’re presuming you know what’s in my heart and mind.I’m here.Despite what you told me, I’m here with you.Why can’t you trust in that?”
“Because I look into your eyes and I see the sadness.I see the pain.I can already feel you slipping through my fingers.You say you won’t run, but you sure as hell can retreat.You’re already doing that.”
She shook her head and glanced down at her feet.He’d thought looking into her eyes hurt.But not seeing her expression hurt even more.
“You were right.The real world is kicking our asses pretty hard.”
His bark of laughter ricocheted around the bathroom.“Just say the word, and we can get on a plane and head to Bora Bora.”
“We can’t run away from our problems, Zach.”
“We won’t be running if we’re together.We’d just be facing them with a much better view.”
“I can’t step away from my life.Or my job.As much as the sound of Bora Bora thrills me.”
“So what do you suggest?”he asked before he could think better of it.
She turned and plucked a towel from the heated rail.Watching her cover her incredible body made him swallow hard and fight to keep from ripping away the piece of cloth.
“We agreed on a question a day in Marrakech.I want that back on the table.”
His chest burned, but he nodded.“Okay.”
A sheen of tears filmed her eyes.“Thank you.”She turned away.
When she reached for the doorknob, he jerked upright and crossed to her.Once again, that feeling of unraveling assailed him.His heart pounded with despair and desperation.
Catching her wrist, he stopped her from leaving the bathroom.“Baby?”His hands slid up her arms to cup her shoulders.
“Hmm?”
He breathed in then exhaled noisily.“Don’t let the love die.When the time comes, when I earn it, I want to hear you say you love me like you did in Marrakech.If it’s not too much, can you promise me that?”