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‘Adam told Mia last week that she was way too strict with Riley and that all her controlling was going to achieve was to push Riley away. He told her to chill out and let Riley live a little or she’d ruin her relationship with her daughter. He meant it in a nice way, because he loves Riley, but it came out a bit strong and preachy. Besides, no one wants to be told how to raise their kids, especially not Mia.’

Mia remembered it well – it was only a few weeks ago. She’d been furious with Adam for telling her how to raise her child. She remembered exactly what she’d said: ‘You have no idea what it’s like to have a teenager. Just you wait untilIzzy is fifteen. Then you’ll see how bloody hard it is. It is my job to keep Riley safe from all the pitfalls out there and I don’t appreciate your criticism. Keep your opinions to yourself.’

Adam was an authority on everything. He knew best. Well, he sure as hell didn’t know what it was like to deal with an emotional, cranky, self-centred teen. Mia had watched her lovely smiley child turn into a sulky stranger who lashed out at her all the time. Mia had been to the talks and listened to the experts and read books about how to raise happy teens, but the reality of the day-to-day grind of dealing with Riley’s moods, trying to keep her safe but giving her some independence, was the most challenging thing she’d ever faced.

Well, she’d thought it was the most challenging thing until now. Sarah had brought a whole new meaning to ‘challenging’. It was amazing that in one moment your life changed. In just one tiny second, it can shatter until it’s unrecognizable. One minute you’re worried about your teenager getting drunk at a party, and the next your sister collapses and dies. Just like that. It all seemed so ridiculous.

‘I felt bad for Mia. Adam and I don’t know what it’s like to have a teenager and I can see that Riley is challenging, but she’s still the sweet girl underneath all that angst. Mia is tough on her. I know she worries she’ll go off the rails with drink and even drugs, but Riley’s got her head screwed on. Mia raised her to be strong-minded and not someone who will follow the herd. She’s tough like Mia on the outside but all soft and kind and loving like Mia on the inside.

‘Hopefully it’s just a phase and they’ll find each other again soon. They were such pals when Riley was younger – they need to find their way back. I know they will. Mia loves Riley more than anything and Riley adores her mum. They’ll figure it out. I’m going to tell Mia to be more patient. It will definitely help things if she stops reacting so stronglyto Riley’s moods. I know Mia is stressed and under pressure now, with Johnny losing his job, but I also know that Mia will be happier if she can reconnect with Riley.’

Mia laid the book on the bed and propped her elbows on her knees, cradling her face with her hands. ‘You’re so right, Sarah. It would really help if I could get back on track with Riley. I miss my daughter so much, the funny, lively girl I used to know. I’ll try to be more patient, I promise.’

Mia was just closing the diary when a piercing alarm went off, splitting the silence. Within seconds, the door burst open and nurses and doctors swarmed into the room. Mia was briskly ushered out and the door was closed tight.

She stood outside in the corridor, clutching her sister’s words to her chest, tears streaming down her face.

24

Riley sat looking at the back of Zach’s neck. He was so close she could almost touch him. Drama was the only class they were in together. Riley was in the top stream for all the other subjects. Zach was in the second or third, and Zoë was in the bottom for all except French because she’d lived in France for the first nine years of her life, and her parents had a holiday house there. She added French words into conversation, like she was so bilingual she couldn’t help herself. It was incredibly annoying and pretentious. Riley had actually heard her say, ‘I lovepommes, don’t you? OMG, I obvs meant apples. What am I like?’ Riley had almost puked.

Riley loved and hated seeing Zach now. Mostly she hated it but, like a scab you pick until it bleeds, she also liked seeing him, even though it hurt.

She inhaled deeply and could just make out his deodorant. Lynx Dark Temptation was the one he wore. She’d bought it and used to – OK, still did – spray it on her pillow.

Thankfully, Zoë didn’t take drama so at least she was spared her nauseating perfume. Zoë drowned herself every five minutes in Victoria’s Secret Bombshell. It made Riley want to gag. Every time Zoë walked by, she left a trail of sickly stink behind her.

Riley wore Comme des Garçons Floriental. It was a unisex perfume and smelt amazing. Sarah had given it to her last Christmas – she always gave her the coolest presents. It had even more meaning to her now. Riley held her wrist to her nose and inhaled. She fought a wave of emotion as she picturedSarah’s face when her aunt was giving it to her. She pushed it down. Not now, not in school.

Zach used to say he loved her perfume. He said he hated really flowery scents. He’d obviously got over it or had had a permanent blocked nose since he’d started seeing Zoë.

Riley wanted to lean over and kiss his neck. She wanted to sit in his lap and tell him all about Sarah and the baby and how horrible everything was. She wanted to tell him how she was waking up every night crying because she didn’t really understand how her aunt could be dead but not completely dead, and that she kept having the same nightmare – that the baby was a blackened, shrivelled corpse inside Sarah’s body.

She missed him so much. She needed him. She needed his love. Why did he have to go off on her now, at the worst time in her life?

Riley forced her eyes away from his neck and focused on peeling off her navy nail varnish.

‘Right, class. I’ve divided you up into pairs,’ Mr Warren announced. ‘I want you to work on a little project that I’m calling The Reasons Why. Each of you will have a book or play that you are to defend or disparage. I want a comprehensive paper delivered to me in three weeks’ time with both sides of the argument clearly laid out. The best arguments for and against will win a prize. The prize will be … drumroll, please … two tickets to see Michael Fassbender starring inDeath of a Salesmanhere in Dublin, in June.’

Oh, my God. Riley adored Michael Fassbender. He was awesome. She wanted those tickets badly. Mr Warren read out the pairs. ‘Sam and Fiona, Harry and Juliette, Riley and Zach …’

Wait! What? Riley froze. Did he say Riley and Zach? She heard Harry snigger and mutter, ‘Awkward.’ She could feel her face turning a deep shade of scarlet. She ducked her headand let her hair fall around her, like a protective curtain. Damn it – Zach? Really?

‘Dude, shocker getting paired with your psycho ex,’ Harry hissed across at Zach. ‘Be careful not to piss her off – she might stab you.’

Riley’s blood boiled. ‘The only person I’d bother stabbing is you, you ginger moron,’ she hissed back.

‘I might be ginger, but at least I’m not a freak show who burns her ex’s stuff outside his house. Who does that?’

Riley looked up from behind her hair. ‘I do, and I’ll torch your precious mountain bike if you don’t fuck off.’

‘You wouldn’t dare.’

‘Wouldn’t I?’ Riley glared right at him. ‘Do you really want to find out?’

‘You’re officially insane.’

‘Dude, leave her alone,’ Zach said.