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Mia frowned. ‘But, Johnny, we’re all safe. You’re a great dad, husband, son-in-law and brother-in-law, and an amazing uncle to Izzy. I’m sorry I haven’t said that more. You’ve been a rock to all of us.’

‘I just want you to know that I love your family and I’d do anything for them.’ Johnny was getting choked up.

‘I know that. Honestly, Johnny, we all know that.’

His phone buzzed. He jumped up and left the kitchen to take the call. Mia cocked her ear to listen. She could hear ‘… more time … I’m almost finished … Just a few details … It’ll be all that and more … Yes … I appreciate that time is tight … OK.’

When he came back in, Mia pretended to be busy eating. ‘Who was that?’

Johnny looked flustered. ‘It was just … uhm …’

‘Was it about a job?’ Mia blurted out, unable to contain her excitement.

Johnny bit his lip. ‘Kind of. Look, I might have an article coming out soon, but it’s not what –’

Mia jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. ‘I knew it! I knew you had good news! I’m so happy for you, Johnny. You deserve this. You’re the best. Thank God something is finally going right for this family.’

Mia was too excited to notice that her husband’s arms hung loosely at his sides.

46

Adam looked down at his sleeping child. ‘If there is a God,’ he whispered, ‘let my son survive so this angel can have a sibling and not lose her mother and baby brother. If there is a God, give me the strength to get through this day.’

Adam sat on the end of the bed, shoulders bent, the grief sitting on his back like a demon. Sarah had been looking forward to today for months. She had been so excited about it. She’d spent so much time organizing and planning every detail. Her face had lit up when she’d shown him Izzy’s dress and told him how beautiful Izzy looked in it and what a special day it was for all of them.

‘It’s my first memory,’ Sarah had said. ‘My Communion Day, the dress and all the fuss. Being the centre of attention. It’s the first strong childhood memory I have and it’s a really special one. I want it to be a perfect day for Izzy, one that she will remember with joy for the rest of her life. We’re creating memories, Adam, memories for life.’

For most of the day before, vans had been pulling up outside their house. The bouncy castle, chocolate fountain and the cake, that Mia had organized, had arrived. Izzy had squealed and jumped up and down with excitement. She had set the table with Adam for all the guests. Sarah had invited twenty-five people – seventeen adults and eight kids. Friends, family …

Everyone had been texting. Is it cancelled? Do you want us to host it? Would you rather just be with Sarah’s immediate family?

No, no, and definitely not. He did not want to be near Miaor Charlie. He wanted friends and their kids to run about, distracting him and Izzy. He wanted to salvage some sense of the occasion for Izzy from the ruins of their lives. He wanted her to have the perfect day her mother had planned.

When he saw Izzy’s little icing figurine sitting on top of the cake, he’d almost lost it. He’d had to leave the room, pretending to take a work call.

Adam reached over and kissed Izzy’s arm, careful not to wake her yet. Sleep, he knew all too well, was oblivion, these days. When you were asleep you didn’t have to think. Sleep was a reprieve from the nightmare of real life.

Adam inhaled and exhaled slowly and deeply. He had to muster all of his energy to make this day as good as it could be for Izzy. Today was her day. Everything else had to be pushed to the side. Thank God for Rob. He was Adam’s source of strength, always there to keep him going. With the two of them either side of Izzy, they could get through this.

Adam checked the clock, then gently stroked Izzy’s cheek. Her eyes fluttered as she began to wake up. She rolled over and then her eyes flew open.

‘It’s my Communion Day!’ She punched the air. ‘Woohoo! Quick, Daddy, what time is it? I have to get ready.’

Adam kissed her warm cheek. ‘Sweet-pea, it’s only eight fifteen. We have lots of time for breakfast.’

Izzy stretched like a cat in the bed. ‘Oh, Daddy, I’m so super-excited.’

‘Come on, I’ll make you pancakes.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I looked up the recipe last night. It’s easy.’

‘Cool.’ Izzy swung her legs out of bed and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Rob emerged from his room, already dressed. ‘C Day,’ he said, grinning tiredly at Adam.

‘Oh, yeah,’ Adam said. ‘She’s wired.’