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‘And sorry if I made you feel breathless, but I was only trying to help. I knew how tired you were after giving birth. I was being practical.’ Mia felt a bit stung by that particular comment.

‘I could just stare at Izzy for ever. She is so perfect. I feel so blessed. I want to have another baby now. I want to have lots of children, it’s soamazing. I didn’t want to say that to Mia obviously. I know she would have liked more kids, she’s a great mum, but Johnny had problems – low sperm count. Adam thinks it’s because Johnny’s not fit and doesn’t work out, but it isn’t, it’s just bad luck.’

Mia’s face grew hot. How dare Adam say that? Johnny’s low sperm count had nothing to do with not going to the stupid gym. God, Adam was such an insensitive jerk sometimes. Sarah always tried to excuse his remarks as the result of growing up with an alcoholic gambler for a father. Mia did feel bad for Adam – clearly his childhood had been awful and had badly affected him – but sometimes he was really hard to take.

Johnny had been heartbroken when they’d found out they couldn’t have any more children. The consultant said that Riley was kind of a miracle child. They’d discussed sperm donors and adoption, but in the end, Mia had said Riley was enough. When she saw the relief on Johnny’s face, she knew she’d made the right decision. And Riley was enough for any family. She took up all the space, oxygen and energy of six kids.

If Mia was being totally honest, she had taken a while to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t have any more children, but she’d kept it to herself so as not to hurt Johnny. And she’d made peace with it a long time ago.

‘I think I’d like two girls and two boys. That would be perfect. It might be a pipe dream, though. Adam is so stressed about money and the business I don’t want to put any pressure on him. Hopefully the recession will be over soon and things will pick up. I think you have to be optimistic in life. What’s the alternative, waiting for the roof to cave in?

‘Mia is a worrier. I’m more of a block-out-the-worries-and-focus-on-the-positive person. Mum says I live in La La Land, but I preferit that way. I think being bullied made me very self-sufficient. I know I can manage on my own and that I like my own company. It also taught me not to get stressed about things you can’t control. I couldn’t control Georgia and the other girls being bitches, so I had to learn to work around it. I think that lesson has stood to me. I don’t get bogged down in things out of my control.

‘Mum and Mia are always worried or stressing about something – if it’s not money or work or health, it’s the state of the world, refugee crises, famines, recessions … They never stop. I want to live in my bubble of joy with Izzy and tune out the bad stuff. I choose happiness and I’m not going to apologize for it.

‘Dad always says, why watch a depressing movie when you can watch a comedy? I agree entirely. Mia and Mum can watch their depressing movies and documentaries but I’m going to stick to watchingHow I Met Your Motherand laughing.’

Mia closed the diary and laid it on her lap. She felt guilty for reading it, but it did bring Sarah close to her. It was strange, too, because some of the stuff she knew, and some was Sarah’s private thoughts. Obviously, she knew Sarah would have a private take on things, but it was a bit weird to hear it. She felt she knew Sarah better than anyone, but there were things her sister hadn’t shared with her.

She stroked the leather cover of the diary and turned it over in her hands, then looked back at her sister, lying so still. ‘Come on, wake up, please.’ She rubbed the back of Sarah’s hand and prayed.

13

Adam walked around his house like a zombie. It didn’t feel like home: it was empty and silent and sad. He felt as if he was losing his mind. How could this happen? Why? Was Sarah going to wake up? He stood in front of the fridge, staring at the food, and felt like throwing up. How could he eat when his wife was fighting for her life? Adam inhaled deeply. He had to keep it together. He had to be strong for Izzy and for Sarah. She’d want him to be strong. But Sarah was his world, his love. Sarah had shown him what family looked like. She’d created the warm, loving environment that Adam had craved his whole life. Sarah was home. Without her …

He needed to talk to someone who understood him better than anyone. And that person was his brother, Rob. He hadn’t told him anything yet, because he’d kept hoping it would end and he’d be able to tell Rob when it was all over and better and fixed. But now, well, now he wasn’t so sure about anything. He had to talk to his brother, to hear his reassuring voice.

Adam sat at the kitchen table with his laptop and dialled the Canadian number. The ring tone sounded, then there was a click and his brother’s face filled the screen.

‘Hey, bro. I was just thinking about you, funnily enough. To what do I owe the pleasure? It’s been a while.’

Adam realized he had no idea how to explain this. What the hell did he say? ‘Hey, Rob, I kissed my wife goodbye yesterday and now she’s in ICU hooked up to a ventilator and I don’t know if she’ll ever wake up’?

‘It’s Sarah …’ was all he managed.

Rob’s face fell. ‘What’s happened? Oh, Jesus, is she OK?’

‘She … she’s in hospital. Oh, Rob, it’s awful. It’s some kind of brain injury and she’s in a coma. They don’t know for sure yet exactly but …’

‘Oh, Christ, Adam, what happened? What do you mean they’re not sure?’

Adam began to cry. ‘I don’t know. I don’t understand. I left her yesterday morning and she was fine. She said she had a headache and I told her to go to the doctor and get checked out. Then she collapsed. Mia found her. She hasn’t opened her eyes since.’

Rob’s face closed in on the screen. ‘Are they doing tests? What do the doctors say? What about the baby?’

‘They can’t tell me if she’ll wake up, but our baby is alive. At least I have him.’ Adam covered his face and sobbed.

‘Oh, Adam,’ Rob said, his voice shaking, ‘I don’t know what to say. Jesus, I wish I was there. I’m in shock. Ellen will be devastated – she adores Sarah. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I know how much you love her, man. But, look, she’s strong, she’ll come through this. You hear about people coming out of comas all the time.’

Adam wiped his face roughly with a hand. ‘I’m trying to stay hopeful. Sarah’s still alive, the baby’s still alive. I just have to believe that the tests will explain what’s happening and the medical team will figure out a way to save her.’

‘Yes, of course. Does she have the best people working on her?’ Rob asked. ‘It’s so serious I think you should definitely consider a second opinion. I could get someone here to look at her test results when they come in.’

‘I suppose so, yes,’ Adam said. ‘I hadn’t thought about that, but it’s too important not to get a second opinion. They’re probably more advanced in Canada.’

‘I’ll ask around my friends here,’ Rob said. ‘I’ll find the name of a top neurologist. We’ll get everyone to have a look and work together to make Sarah better. Hang in there.’

‘That’s a great help. Thanks, Rob. I’m all over the place – I can’t think straight.’