Page 85

Runners of first, second, and third base.
SYDNEY
I make it home as the sun is swallowed by the night. You know in the movies when you can see the woman is about to lose it and have a blubber fest? You know it’s coming. You can see it in her demeanor and her hands shaking on the steering wheel.
Don’t worry about googling an anxiety attack. I’m pretty sure I’m moments away from one.
I manage to get inside the house and into the kitchen before I notice the family room.
“Hi, honey!” Tatum yells, standing next to a Christmas tree that’s twenty fucking feet high, and guess what? She’s holding a kitten. Yes, a snow-white fluffy kitten. She holds the terrified animal up. “Hims Olaf.”
“I panicked. I couldn’t find a talking snowman anywhere, so we adopted that thing.” My eyes slide to Cason, who looks about ready to bolt out the door or beg for forgiveness. But that’s just one eye because the other is black and swollen shut. He lifts a beer to his lips. “Surprise.”
I stand at the door, trying to decide what to address first. The Christmas tree in my living room when it’s April. The kitten. Or the fact that Cason’s face looks like he took a sledgehammer to it.
Speaking of a sledgehammer, that’s what hits my heart, in a figurative meaning.
I can’t breathe. I open my mouth but no words.
But to my surprise, I start laughing hysterically and crumble to the ground before them.
I break.
Completely, the weight on my shoulders a thousand pounds of bricks. I think it’s because I finally have the closure I need. The final piece of him gone from my life.
Cason immediately scoops me up in his arms, holding me to his chest. I don’t want Tatum to see this, but I can’t stop it from happening either.
Cason’s lips press to my forehead, my cheek, my ear. “Why don’t you go upstairs and take a bath?” His voice is soothing yet urgent. “Relax. I’ll get Tatum to bed.”
I nod, sucking in a deep breath. He lets go of me, and I reach for Tatum, who comes over to me, the kitten behind her, following along.
“Honey.” She sighs, holding my face in her hands. “You okay?”
“I’m gonna take a bath. Will you let Cason put you to bed?”
She nods and drops her hands, reaching for his.
I barely make it to the bathroom before I break down again.
I run the water and sit in the tub with lilac essential oils, filling it with the hottest water I can handle, trying to burn away every last memory of a man who used me and our family until there was nothing left, and then moved on to the next.
For an hour, I stay in that tub, refilling it over and over again to make sure the water stays hot.
My tears haven’t stopped and I don’t even know why I’m crying. Certainly not for him. More like, because of him.
At some point, Cason comes inside the bathroom with a lighter. Slowly, he lights the candles placed around the tub. One by one.
I smile, because it fits what he’s done for Tatum and me.
Day by day, he’s given us the light and laughter we needed.
Without words, he strips down and gets inside the tub behind me. Wrapping his arms around my chest, he holds me tight to him, his mouth on my shoulder, peppering my damp skin with a row of kisses.
And for the next twenty minutes, he listens intently, and I can’t remember the last time a man did that for me since my dad. I tell him about the insurance money and Remi… the conversation I had with her, and how I felt like he took advantage of both of us.
He reserves his judgment for Collin, even though I know if they were face-to-face, he’d want to knock him out. It’s during all this that sometimes it feels like I don’t deserve his presence in my life, but I do. I deserve happiness.
I lick my lips, my mouth dry from dehydration of crying and too much alcohol. You’re probably not surprised to know I took a bottle of wine in here with me.