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Still, I remain quiet and let her explain her side. I can’t help it if my mind has her own commentary.
“I never had that before, and it was intoxicating,” Remi explains. “He fictionalized my world and made me believe I was everything to him. I’m young, and he knew he could control me. I was impressionable.” Her eyes focus on mine with such intensity I know she’s telling me the truth.
Every single word is her truth and sad. It’s heartbreaking to know he did this to her. Misery loves company. Do you know why? Because the only way for people like Collin to feel good about themselves is for them to have someone beneath them.
Literally.
But he couldn’t control me. Remi, he could. She couldn’t go to those restaurants and have the things he was giving her, and that was part of his control.
Remi shakes her head, her hair falling off her shoulder. “I’m ashamed to say, I let him have the illusion. I liked being taken care of and being told ‘be here at this time.’ I didn’t realize it was him controlling me.” She leans and reaches for my hands. “But you, I see you. I can see why he was intimidated by you. His personality couldn’t handle it. With you, you’re independent, successful. Because you weren’t his equal. It was never that you weren’t enough. It was that you were too much for him. He didn’t deserve you, and he knew it. Sadly, that’s why he came to me. Because he was better than me.”
My heart drops. “Remi, I hope you don’t believe that. I forgive you. I know that sounds so stupid that I would apologize to the woman who fucked my husband, but I am. I forgive you for falling for his lies.”
Remi clears her throat, lets go of my hands, and reaches inside her purse, and slides the check over to me. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so sorry. I knew about you, and it was easy to pretend you were completely different and holding him back. But I realize now that was his justification. That’s not you.”
I stare at the check—the accidental death policy. I don’t need this money to make it. Because of the paintings I sold, Cason renting the room, and the increase in my business the last few weeks, I’ve taken care of the house, Tatum’s school, and making a dent in the credit card bills. Deep down, if I take this money, it’s like I’m depending on a man I couldn’t trust to give me the heads-up that he’d fucked me over. I couldn’t take it.
“It’s not about the money,” I tell her, fighting through tears.
“And that’s why I know this is the right thing to do. This isn’t mine. It never should have been.”
Nodding, I give her back the check. “You keep it. Do something big with it, Remi. Don’t blow it, but do something for yourself and believe inyou.”
She bites her lip, her eyes darting from the check to mine. “I can’t keep this money. It’s not mine. This is yours and Tatum’s. He was never mine to begin with, and this isn’t either.”
I look at the paper. The reminder. “I think if I was to cash it, it’s a reminder that he was in my life to begin with. I got the best part of him already. Tatum. She’s all that matters to me in this. And I’m strong enough to know I can provide her with everything she needs.”
“That’s exactly why you intimidated him.”
There’s a sense of relief that lifts from my shoulders when I stand up from that table, but also sadness. For her. For me.
I hang the strap of my purse over my shoulder. Remi stands with me and hugs me.
I let her and then pull away. “I just need to know. Did he talk about your future? Did he tell you he was going to leave me?”
Tears well up in her eyes. “No.”
She’s lying, but I’ll take the lie and let her have it because I know this girl, this innocent young girl my husband used, had her heart broken by him.
I have one last question, and I’m not so sure I want to ask it, but I do. “March thirteenth, the night he died.”
Remi takes in a deep breath and nods. “He was with me.”
I had my answer. He had been coming back from her house. “And Audrey quit as my nanny because she knew about you two?” I had a feeling once I found out that they were friends, Audrey quitting had something to do with Collin and Remi.
A nod. “Collin fired her. He didn’t want her to tell you.”
I let out a breath, and let me tell you, it’s so satisfying to finally know the truth. “Thank you for telling me.”
We walk out together and she sighs. “Does this mean we’re friends now?”
I smile her way, the sun setting in the valley casting rays of golden flecks in the air that match her eyes. “I wouldn’t say friends, but I don’t hate you.”
“Okay, well, what I hear is that’s not a no.” She hugs me again. “That’s a maybe.”
Remi’s glass is always half full. It’s not that my glass is so empty I’m slurping the bottle for the last few drops. And I think we might be friends, but like I said, I can’t hate her. She doesn’t deserve that.
In the car, my thoughts drift back to Collin. I picture his face in my mind. Never did I think when that nerdy banker guy asked me out, the one who vowed to keep my heart safe till death do us part, would blatantly disrespect me in the ways he had. The intricate web of lies and deceit he weaved reinforced my theories that he was a complete sociopath.
But I had to thank him. For giving me Tatum. For giving me the ability to choose myself over him. That I’m enough for our daughter and that he didn’t deserve us. Showing me how strong I am, despite my initial assessment that I couldn’t handle any of this and that I will come out the other end of this so much stronger.
In the darkest way, through this ridiculous adventure of him dying, the foreclosure, and me wanting to be friends with his mistress, he gave me exactly what I needed. A chance to find someone who truly values me and makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world.
And I think I have a pretty good idea of who that person is.