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Bringing her closer, I want to do so many things to her but with Tatum in the bed next to us, I know that’s not happening. “I wish I could show you how much I’m going to miss you,” I whisper, holding her to my chest.
Her hands roam up my back. “You already have by bringing us with you.”
I hope she’s right because this feeling inside my chest, the one pulling me in two different directions, love and baseball, it’s more than I want to deal with.
THE REAL SHITTYpart about leaving happens at the airport, when Sydney flies back to Phoenix and I head to Salt Lake City.
As Tatum sits on the suitcase staring at a kid picking his nose, I draw Sydney into my arms. “I’m gonna miss you.”
“Not as much as I miss you,” she cries into my chest.
“Hey,” I soothe, rubbing her back. “I didn’t think you were going to cry.”
“I didn’t want to,” she confesses, shaking her head and holding tighter.
I bring my lips to her ears. “Don’t forget me.”
“I won’t. I never could.” Pulling back, she stares at me, and if I ever had any doubt about how she feels about me, I don’t now. “I love you,” she says over her tears. “Thank you for showing me that it still exists.”
I don’t miss the fact that it’s the first time she’s said it, but I also don’t make a big deal out of it in fear I’ll start crying. Swallowing over the lump rising in my throat, I press my lips to hers. “I love you too. I’ll call you guys every night.”
“We’ll be looking forward to it.”
I let go of her and kneel down to Tatum. “I have to go, Loretta.”
Her teary eyes find mine. “Why?”
“I gotta go play baseball. I’ll see you again.” I want to promise, but I don’t, because I know I can’t.
Tatum’s eyes drop to my hands holding hers and then lift to mine again. “I’m sad without you.”
“I’ll be sad without you too.” Reaching inside my bag, I dig out her present. Not the snowman I got her. I left that in there after the Disney incident. The Jelly Belly container. “But I got you these to remember me. Every time you miss me, eat one.”
Her eyes widen at the size of the container. It’s practically as big as her.
“Cason…” Sydney sighs. “She’s going to get cavities.”
I smile up at her and stand. “She’ll be fine.”
Tatum drops the container to the ground and wraps her arms around my legs. “Don’t go, Boy. Please!”
That’s the moment tears burn my eyes. I lift her up into my arms. “I’ll be back. I won’t be gone long.” Again, I don’t promise, because that’s not fair to her. My dad never promised me anything, and in return, I appreciated it. I was never let down that way.
Tatum’s chin shakes and I know this girl might not be my blood, but she’smy girl.
I glance up at Sydney and she averts her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Why am I doing this? Does baseball really matter that much?
I think back to what my dad taught me. Loyalty. Accountability. I signed a contract and I wouldn’t go back on it now.
But fuck, this hurts. My chest literally feels like it’s going to burst in two at the idea of leaving them.
Fearing a complete breakdown in the middle of the airport, I leave after kissing Sydney probably too inappropriately in front of the kid. She cries against my neck and I hold the back of her head. “I’ll see you soon,” I tell her, my words shaking.
With a final hug from Tatum, I pull away from them, the desolation in my heart hurting worse than I would have ever thought. I’ve known these two a few months, yet it feels like a lifetime of memories with them and a bond time can’t destroy.