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Oof…that hurt.

“You know what the worst part is? I actually thought that you were choosing me. I actually thought that, after everything we’d been through, maybe…maybe you were choosing me. And not because of some political move Sasha was putting on you, but because you actually lo—” He halted, the word hanging in the air. And I knew exactly what he was going to say.

Because you loved me.

If only he knew how much I really did love him. And it was only at that moment that I realized I had never told him. I had never said the wordsI love you.And now, he would never know. The realization struck me like a fifty-pound weight, stealing my breath away.

“Wes, I’m—” He held up a hand.

“Stop. Just…just let it be.” He paused for a second, rubbing his face. “It’s my fault anyway. I should have known better.”

“Wes, please. It’s not—”

He just spoke right over me, never letting me finish. “It’s fine, Mara,” he said as he got up from his seat. “It’s fine. I should have known that…” He hesitated. “That you were never meant for me.”

My breath hitched in my throat, feeling as though I was going to suffocate. I wanted to scream, to yell that I was! That I was his and to please take me back. But I held my breath, biting my tongue.

Wes sighed a long mournful breath, leaving him looking defeated, before he glanced up at me. And I swore I could see his eyes glimmer with unshed tears in the low light of the plane. “I…I’m not ready to not be angry about this, but…” He rubbed theback of his neck, trying to find the words. “But I just want you to be happy. Even if that happiness isn’t with me.”

My already broken heart was shattered once again. Because Wes would rather sacrifice his own joy to make sure I found mine. And I…I didn’t know how to handle that. All I knew was that I didn’t deserve him.

Wes stepped past me, gave me one last long look, and then said, “Goodbye, Mara.” And I knew what he meant. He wasn’t saying goodbye to me physically…we were in a goddamn plane. He was saying goodbye tous, to our short-lived romance that I had strangled in my attempts to save him. And it was the best I was going to get.

“Goodbye, Wes.”

I watched as he walked toward the front of the plane, a piece of my soul going with him as he left me behind. Wes wasn’t mine anymore, and that knowledge broke me all over again. But I would always be his, even if he didn’t know it.

Always.

54: Go Time

Being shrouded in darkness was good. It helped to hide the pain and fear that I knew was on full display across my face. I spent the boat ride hunkered down in a corner, feeling the sea toss us like a kid with his hacky sack. It was cold in the middle of the night on the ocean, and no matter how tight I hugged my knees, the crisp air cut through my layers of clothing and gear. The tart smell of salt was new, and the ocean spray found me in my corner, dampening my face.

In the past, I would have been excited to see the ocean. Matias had told me about it months ago, but in the middle of the night, you couldn’t see anything. And it didn’t matter, because I was doing everything I could to keep myself together, to keep my head in the game. So I took the boat ride as my opportunity to shove my hurt and grief as far down as I could and lock it up. I crouched down in a corner, burying my face in my arms as I kept my focus on Jacob, on saving my brother. And when the timecame, Matias tapped me on the shoulder and helped me to my feet as the boat rocked and swayed. Ready or not, it was time.

“Okay, listen up,” Wes began. “This is as far as we go. We’re going to load up on the dinghy, and we’ll make the rest of our way in. Stay hunkered in the raft until we reach the cove. The sea is not our friend tonight, and I don’t need anyone falling out. Once we reach the cove, we’ll begin our ascent. Move as quickly and as quietly as you can. Whoever reaches the top first, use your wire cutters and get a hole in that fence ASAP. Once everyone reaches the top, we move as a team. The schematics of the building show an old service entrance that is no longer in use. That’s our access. Once inside, we need to move up to level five to Cellblock C. That’s where de la Puente is being held. That’s our target. Once we’ve got him, we leave exactly the way we came. Any questions?”

“What about security?” Jim asked.

“According to the security schedule, the tower is the least armed at this time, with primary security details being placed at the choke point at the other end of the peninsula. Use stunners as much as possible, and make sure all weapons are equipped with silencers.”

We all stayed quiet, a few nodding in understanding.

“All right,” Wes said. “It’s go time.”

We all moved, checking weapons, making sure our tactical vests and belts were on snuggly, and securing our ropes and climbing gear. Jim, Wes, and Matias carried extra backpacks with additional supplies, including tear gas, grenades, and extra ammo. Then, one by one, we filed out to the back of the boat where a measly raft waited for us. The boat rose and fell with the motion of the sea, threatening to throw us all off balance.

One by one, we loaded up. I watched as the deep blue waters swirled and splashed, white caps foaming and threatening. All I could think about was if I fell in, I would sink right to the bottomand drown. Never mind the fact that I couldn’t swim…the sheer amount of weight I was carrying would drag my ass down to a watery grave. And that thought had me hunkering down in the measly dinghy to make sure I didn’t get tossed out into the abyss.

“Night vision on,” Wes announced.

We all slipped our night vision goggles on. I was fully expecting a world tinted in harsh green, but apparently the North had more advanced tech. Though the world around me looked grayer than usual, I saw it clearly, as though it were cast in the early hues of dawn. Jim took up the rear, turned the motor over, and we were off, consumed by the night. I saw the shoreline off in the distance, with glittering lights that soared into the sky.

Bellfire Tower.

It took us a good fifteen minutes to get close enough that when I finally understood what I was looking at, my jaw dropped. When Giza said that jagged rocks surrounded the peninsula, he wasn’t kidding. The black spires rose from the ocean depths like spears that threatened to impale you should the ocean reject your soul. Water crashed into each one, a thundering noise that consumed the purr of our motor. The roar of the ocean deafened our ears as the waves rose, lifting us seven feet into the air, and then dropping us back down, causing my heart to sink as I closed my eyes, gripping the sides of the dinghy as best as I could.

“We’re never going to make it!” Calista yelled, but I could barely hear her over the crash of the waves. “We’re going to capsize!”