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Then, I told him everything.

I told him how Charles threatened my brother, how he threatened Wes. How he was using me to control him, to keepWes under his thumb. I explained how I couldn’t do that, that I refused to be used as a weapon against Wes. And I refused to bring my brother back to the North, only to end up executed anyway—or worse, held captive for the rest of his life to keep me in check. I couldn’t do that to Jacob. I couldn’t free him from the chains of one dictator and place him in the clutches of another.

Because that’s what Charles was. He was just another dictator, another ruthless man driven mad by power. Another leader who would destroy his own family just to gain more control. It left me with only one option.

Run.

I had to run, to escape into the night, never looking back.

If I was gone…

If Wes thought I didn’t love him…

He wouldn’t come after me. He would let me go and find happiness again.

Charles couldn’t use me against him then, and he couldn’t use my brother against me either. We could all be free.

Matias ran his fingers through his hair. “Mara, this is insane. I can’t…I can’t help you do this.”

“Do you see another option?” I could hear the desperate plea in my voice. “Do you see another way out of this mess? Because if you do, I’d love to hear it.”

Matias chewed the inside of his cheek, his eyes drifting from one thing to another as he desperately racked his brain for alternatives. But in the end, he just shook his head.

“I didn’t think so.”

We both drew quiet, feeling the weight of the distasteful choices in front of us. He sighed heavily, the sound of a man accepting his fate.

“This is going to break him.”

My heart cracked, but it held together. “I know.”

Matias ran a hand through his hair again. “When?”

“Tomorrow.” I hated the thought of dumping this on Wes before the mission, but I was out of time, out of options.

Matias nodded. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, and then I was in his arms, breathing the evergreen and citrus smell of him as he folded his arms around me, resting his head on my own.

“I’m going to miss you.”

A lump formed in my throat. I knew my days with my friends were numbered, but I hadn’t taken the time to really think about it. To really consider the fact that, after tomorrow, I would never see them again. Tears filled my eyes as I shoved down a sob. “I’m going to miss you, too. I’m going to miss all of you.”

Matias pulled me back and wiped my tears. “We’ll find each other again. When this is all over, okay? We’ll find each other.”

I nodded, allowing myself the hope. But I wasn’t stupid. War was coming, and there was no telling who would live and would die. All I could hope for was that we’d all live to see the end. But nothing was guaranteed.

But I didn’t tell him that.

I let Matias live in the fantasy that we would meet again. I let myself play in that future, too. That was the only way I was going to survive the next twenty-four hours. Because in twenty-four hours, I was going to destroy my own heart.

51: For Wes

The day before the mission, we were still unsuccessful at ringing that stupid bell. But we were finally allowed PTO, and I couldn’t help but feel that our lack of success in training was the first ominous sign of things to come. The first thing I did that morning was message Edith.

Me: Hey, how’ve you been?

Edith:Grateful I’m not climbing that effing wall for the bagillionth time.