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Our eyes met once again, and heat swirled within me, making me feel as though I needed a fan and an ice shower. But I turned away from him, using the movement to help shake out my arms and legs. Wes came up beside me, hands still in his pockets while his eyes watched the ground before him.

And we walked.

And I didn’t think it was possible, but things got just a little weirder.

10: Lost

The base always felt deserted at night, especially after curfew. My tab told me it was eleven, and all the good little soldiers were tucked away in their beds. And yet, here I was, physically exhausted while my heart thudded in my chest like I was running a marathon.

We walked for a little while in silence. Wes stared straight ahead, hands still in his pockets, while I stared at the ground in front of me, not sure of what to do or say. It was just weird.

Ever since I was reassigned to train with Wes for our mission, our interactions had remained stiff. It was just like before, back at the rebel base, where he was incessantly bossy and moody. But it was also different. He didn’t put me down anymore or make me feel bad or like an idiot. But he didn’t compliment me either, or make small talk, or even come physically close to me if it wasn’t to grapple with me. There was nothing personal…all work and no play. The second our training ended, he’d bail…immediately. Half the time I didn’t even get a goodbye from him or a chance to say it myself.

And then there was the Admin Job, the mission we had just survived from. That had to be the chattiest I had seen him since surviving the attack at the camp. And now he wanted to walk me back to my barracks? That was just too out of character for him. He wasn’t theI’ll walk you homekind of guy. Matias was. Matias had always offered to walk me home, or help me, or just give me the benefit of the doubt.

Of course, that wasbefore.

That’s why his refusal to help me on this mission stung so bad. It wasn’t normal for him. It wasn’t normal for us. But, then again, we weren’t really an us anymore. Edith kept trying to tell me that he still cared about me, but that Chelsea was in some crazy deep crap, and she had no one. Matias was her person, and he needed to be there to support her. And I understood,truly. I understood Matias was all about responsibility, the best for the greater good, loyalty, and honor, andblah, blah, blah. Intellectually, I understood his position and saw how all the pieces came together. But emotionally, I was hurt. I was jealous. And, truth be told, I was a little pissed off.

I knew he was doing what he believed to be the right thing, but he shot my brother, aiming to kill. Which resulted in me jumping in front of a bullet to save Jacob.

Idied.

Iliterallydied and then was brought back to find myself in the North. I wasn’t upset about him shooting me, though. I was upset that he shot Jacob. I was wrestling with it real bad. But him refusing to help on this mission took the cake. It felt like a betrayal, like hewantedme to fail. But failure meant I could have died, which left me thinking…

Did he want me to die?

Did he want out of whateverwewere, but didn’t have the guts to tell me?

Was it truly over between us? Over before it ever really got started?

I shook my head, wanting to get out of my thoughts. It was all just so messed up, and I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with it. I made Jacob my focus. And every time the thoughts, the memories, thehurt, came creeping in, I just shoved them back down and reminded myself that I had one focus, one goal…and that was Jacob.

The silence was bugging me. I cleared my throat quietly and then decided to try out the small talk. “How are you feeling?”

“What?” He didn’t even look at me.

“Your wound…how’s it feeling?”

Wes kept his gaze forward for a moment before casting me a quick glance. “Not too bad.” He shifted his gaze toward the ground then, taking slow steps that felt like we were strolling through a park on the most awkward date ever. But this wasn’t a date. Not even close.

“Well, that’s good.” We took several more steps. “Thanks for helping me yesterday.”

“Mmhmm,” he mumbled.

“Seriously, I appreciate it.”

“Yup,” he replied emptily.

“You didn’t have to volunteer for it.”

“I know.”

And then silence fell between us again. Well…this was weird. And stupid. And completely ridiculous. He insisted on walking me to my barracks, only to have me dance around this bizarre awkwardness. Um,no thanks. I didn’t sign up for whatever all ofthiswas. It was just too weird, and I was tired.

I was tired, I was achy, and I wasnotlooking forward to rejoining a squad that kept giving me the side-eye.

So, I stopped. I stopped walking and crossed my arms, watching as he took three more steps before stopping and looking back at me over his shoulder.