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My ears rang. My whole body felt broken. I tried to cough, but the ache inside of me kept me from attempting it again. I opened my eyes, and everything felt as though it was moving in slow motion.

The canopy drifted in the breeze, a gaping hole allowing me to look up at the clouds as plumes of black smoke poured out of the building, flames raging, licking up into the sky. Ash rained down upon me as I laid on the concrete, my body twisted. And the pain, the pain was so intense, that it stole my breath and brought me to tears. I felt the cold surround me, and watched as my vision blurred, dark circles creeping in, narrowing my sight. I couldn’t move. Every part of me felt broken. It was the only thing that could explain the pain I was in.

I tried to blink, to clear my vision, but the blackness only crept in further, until I could no longer see anything. And with one final, shuddering breath, I succumbed to the darkness.

83: Not What it Seems

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The pool was icy, like needles stabbing my exposed skin, and I welcomed it. One arm swung overhead, slicing the water like a knife, and pushed through it as my other arm rose to do the same. Each stroke burned, and the longer I held my breath, the more my lungs ached for air.

But I didn’t care.

I pushed through, going another several yards before lifting my head out of the water to inhale fresh oxygen, and then dropped back under again.

Memories berated me.

I watched her fall, felt fear seize my entire system like never before. She was going to die. The rocks would impale her. Theysaid the fall was fatal. She couldn’t swim. Even if she could—her clothes, the gear—it would act like an anchor, dragging her to the bottom. She was dead.

I kept swimming, pushing myself harder than ever before, the memories acting like fuel. My lungs screamed for air, but I ignored them, kicking harder, swimming faster until I had to inhale again.

I jumped. It didn’t matter to me that she had chosen Matias. I didn’t care. Because what Mara didn’t know was that I loved her all the same. I had always loved her…even before she was mine to love. I was used to her belonging to someone else. It’s the way it had always been. But it didn’t make her choosing someone else any easier.

Whenever she said my brother’s name instead of mine, it cut deeper than any knife ever had. It pierced further than any bullet I had ever taken. And her picking Matias was no different.

But I didn’t care.

I’d risk my life a thousand times if it meant a chance at saving hers. Even if she wasn’t mine. Even though shewasn’tmine.

I reached the end of the pool, spun, and pushed off the tiled edge, penetrating through the water like a torpedo. Then I started kicking again, swinging one arm and then the other overhead and back into the water.

I leaped to my death, hoping she would live. I swam hard, blinded in the dark, but I found her. I would always find her.

And the anguish I felt at seeing her lifeless body catapulted my fear. I had never feared anything so much in my life. And I fought hard for her. I fought hard against the ocean for her life. The waves crashed, the water swelled, and all the while the sea pulled on her, trying to steal her away from me. But that was the funny part, the sad part—she had already been stolen.

I swam then to save her. I swam now to forget.

My muscles loosened, stretching, elongating with each stroke while the muscles in my thighs burned with every kick. Strong. Powerful. Painful.

I saved her. That was all that mattered. I saved her. And then I watched as she fought for her life in a hospital. I stroked her hair as she slept. I ran my thumb gently over her bottom lip, remembering the taste of her, the feel of her in my arms. I whispered in her ear, asking her to come back to me, to open her eyes and allow me just one more look at the depths of her soul. It didn’t matter that she didn’t want me. I couldn’t stop caring about her. I couldn’t stop worrying about whether she would live or die.

She had saidyes. She had been mine.

And then she wasn’t.

I reached the other end of the pool, somersaulted again in the water, and was off into another lap. Each memory fueling pain. Each memory fueling anger and frustration.

I was an idiot.

I let myself think she would pick me, that she would actually want me. Stupid fucking fool. I had been damned to love someone that never loved me in return. And it was no one’s fault but mine. And I tried hard to fight it. I worked so hard to push back against it. But there was no winning a twisted game like love, was there? And now what?

My lungs cried out, begging me to take another breath. I refused. I wanted to feel the burn. I wanted to feel the ache. Because that felt so much better than the pain of a broken heart. Everything was so fucked up, and I was so confused about what to think.

It’s not what it seems…

That’s what she said. That’s what she said…right before she shot me in the heart. Then she was gone. And when I finally came to, shit had hit the fan, and we barely made it out of Telviaalive. Nobody knew why. Nobody understood her motives. She had trusted no one with her secrets. Edith keeps arguing that Mara wouldn’t betray us. But she shot me.

She stunned you.