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Anam cara.

Soul friends.

The words he used the fourth time he returned to Dublin, six months after we first met. We still had amazing sex but our late nights turned into deep conversations. It made me believe we wereanam cara. It was always one of my favorite phrases I learned in my Irish language courses. It meant more than just a soul mate to me. It means knowing someone on the deepest level beyond love. And yes, I did fall in love with him but to me he always was and forever will be myanam cara. No matter what fate has in store for us.

It was hard to leave that morning. Magda was nice enough to watch Aria for another night and of course Aria didn’t care because it meant she got to make more cookies with Magda. I woke up early to take an early flight home to get back to the restaurant in time for work. Kilian didn’t want me to leave. Neither did I but I knew I had to.

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I could just visit you whenever I wanted.”

“If my uncle wasn’t a Renzetti, it would work.”

He grabs my hip and pulls me into him. “If I wasn’t a Bancroft, it would work.”

I let the tears fall as I grip his shirt. “We can’t do this again. It’s too dangerous for both of us.”

He frowns. “I know.”

“I don’t want to do this,” I say as the tears fall harder.

His hands gently cup my jaw, his lips so close to mine. “Neither do I,” he says then presses a soft kiss to my lips. “But I’ll find a way.”

It was a false hope. We both know we can’t be together. Maybe in another life. But not this one.

“I think that glass is clean. You’ve been washing it for ten minutes.”

I jump at the sound of Magda’s voice. I didn’t even hear her approach the bar. “Magda, you scared me.”

“Well, when you are gazing off into space for ten minutes when you have new patrons at the bar, I get worried.”

I glance behind me and see two women sitting patiently. “Sorry, just tired and have a lot on my mind.”

“I had you cover the bar today because I thought you could handle it more than anyone else here.”

“I will… I mean I can.” I set the glass I was washing down on a drying rack then turn to help the ladies with their drink orders, Magda impatiently watching me.

Once I hand them their drinks, she waves me over. “I don’t know what happened to you in Malta but ever since you got back you have been in a trance. Did you fall in love there?” she asks with a wink.

I can feel the flush in my cheeks turn a deeper red. “No. You really think I went away for a weekend to hook up with some random guy?”

“If I wasn’t happily married, you better believe that’s what I would be doing.” She smirks.

“Magda!”

“Just because you have a kid and feel like you are getting older, which by the way, you aren’t. You’ll be thirty-two soon. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Live a little. That’s why I told you to take that trip to begin with.”

I lean against the bar and fold my arms over my chest. “I know. But it’s not that easy. I have Aria. And I can’t get serious with anyone. It’s just too hard.”

“Who said anything about getting serious?” Magda raises her brows up and down suggestively. “A little dick could do you good.”

“Magda!” I shout again as I look at the women at the bar and see if they overheard her.

“Oh don’t act like a prude. Besides, I know you got laid when you were in Malta. It was written all over your face when you got back. Not to mention the poor job you did covering up those bite marks on your neck.”

I immediately go for my neck, my hand covering up skin that used to have teeth marks that I know are long gone.

“Live a little,mimma. That’s all I’m saying.”

I sigh. “I know. And I promise one of these days I will get there.” The door chimes and a handful of people walk in. “Want me to keep watching the bar or go seat them?”